Dancing on Mountain Tops - Thoughts From Four In The Morning

I often wonder what God thinks. I look at the world around me, and I try to imagine what it is that he must feel. I get lost in the thought until I must fight my way back in search of air.

Humanity was designed for eternity, and the best of us catch a glimpse of what that means. We stand on the mountain tops with God and know what it is to dance with him in one eternal moment of splendor and glory. And then to be plunged back to the earth, finite once more.

I know why Elijah ran, why he sought shelter in the shadow of the rock. For how can one be that close to the power and glory of our God and not grieve to discover it was only you and not the whole world that was changed? To do less would be lie, a hypocrisy of grave consequence, and yet, we blame him – chastise him for hiding away in his misery.

He did not run from Jezebel. For what power did she have over him? What could her gods do to one who was protect by the God who rained fire upon the mountain for his sake?

He was a man who stepped into an eternal moment. A man who knew what it was to inhabit that sacred space where God reveals himself in history and deed, and then crushed back into the finite dimensions of this reality.

Our scorn for his perceived cowardice reveals our ignorance. It demonstrates that we have not encountered God, but rather that we have only known shadows of him. For how can a great love be that once awakened, can still be appeased in whispered words?

Is it any wonder that he searched for God? That he looked for him in all the grand and majestic elements of our world?  That he was devastated with each failed attempt?

In the whirlwind, in the earthquake, and fire he looked, for these were the grandest forces he knew. What better place to seek a God as powerful as the one he experienced? And yet, God always pushing, always demanding that we learn to see more, to expect more, conceals his grandeur in a whisper.

Was God cruel to withdraw, to whisper when Elijah’s heart had been overwhelmed by God’s presence? Was it heartless to leave the aching void within the breast of his servant? Or was it this wound that drew them to each other in the end? That brought chariots of fire to a man so that he might return to his God?

Could I stand such a wound? Could I carry that ache through my life without becoming embittered at God’s abandonment to this realm for even a moment after having experienced him as Elijah did? Could I be called from my grief with just a whisper? Maybe that is why he does not rain down fire from heaven for me or you. Maybe he is waiting for me to grow strong enough to accept the whisper after I have known what it is to dance on the mountain top with him.

I often wonder what God is thinking. I look at the world around me, and I try to imagine what it is that he must feel. I get lost in the thought until I must fight my way back in search of air.

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My Bipolar Faith - No that's not a joke

One of the million and one fun facts about being Emily is I wrestle with being bipolar. When I tell people this I often get that “Ah, I see you are telling a self-deprecating joke and I am going to play along” giggle, followed closely by the “Oh, crap! She’s serious and I have no idea how to respond” fumbling attempts at politeness. Now, just to be clear, this in no way offends me. After all, that’s exactly the type of joke I would crack about myself and expect you to laugh along. I can’t blame anyone for being confused, but the fact is I have an official diagnosis of “highly functional bipolar complicated by PTSD.” Doesn’t that make me sound like a fun fill bag of unpredictability and chaos?

I decided to write about this because I have recently learned that many of my friends had no clue. I have never considered it to be a secret or an overly sensitive issue that I have tried to keep hidden. It is just part of my life and a part that I have to deal with on a daily basis so I rarely feel the need to bring it up in casual conversation. Besides, it rarely works out well.

“I just repainted my bathroom a lovely green, not too sherberty and not too sagey. What have you been up to?”

"Me? Oh, I haven’t done much. Just got through a hypo-manic episode so I have been on lock down in my house and trying not make obscene posts to Facebook.”

I don’t think that I will ever get to the place where I will celebrate the fact that I have to constantly examine each and every thought, emotion, and impulse because my brain has decided that it didn’t like all the chemicals to be properly balanced. Dealing with that is draining at a level I cannot begin to articulate. However, I can say with conviction that it has forced me to be intentional about many of my life choices that I may have otherwise cruised past without a thought.

I had to accept that my emotions lie to me, and if that wasn’t special enough, so do my thoughts. I have to actively work to silence the voices that tell me to get in my car and drive until I hit an ocean, that I can always get more credit cards if I max out the ones I have, or that taking off my clothes in public is great idea. At times like these, when I too big and too great to be contained by anything and every fiber of my being is fighting against the restraints, be it geographical or financial restraints or even just my socks, I have to remember the truth. This is nothing more than the chemicals in my brain lying to me. These are not good options and I would be destroying the good things in my life, things I may not think I love today, but will remember I do love tomorrow, or in a few days at least.

But that is just the beginning, because human beings don’t like confinement and especially not those of us with a major malfunction in our heads. I react to this type of self-imposed discipline with anger - unrealistic, irrational anger that can spew out on those closest to me with the least bit of perceived provocation. (Please note the use of the word perceived in the previous sentence.) In my state of hyper-vigilance, I notice everything and I have to fight the feeling that everything is directed at me on the most personal level ever conceived. Music too loud? You did that to make me mad. Dirty dishes in the sink? Really, you want to set me off. Didn’t call? Did call? You are ignoring me or trying to disrupt my day. Got sick, can’t make our lunch date? Sure, you really just could stand to be near me.

You name it. I can find a reason why you meant it as an attack. So I swing the other way, and deliberately attempt to depersonalize everything. I shut down. I don’t respond, and I keep you at arm’s length. It is easier that way, and I am far less likely to say or do something that is unforgivably cruel. The problem is that safe guard is also cruel to those who genuinely love me and feel as if I don’t care about them when I can shut it down so effectively.

There is no winning this game, but it is one I will play for the rest of my life. It isn’t easy and I there are some days I would give my left leg to be normal. (Whatever that is.) And yes, I am serious. Did you notice the specificity of the limb I would relinquish? You don't get that specific if you didn't put some thought into it, but that is pipe dream, and I have to accept that.

I also have to accept that I have hurt people in the wake of my fury and despondency. I have to own that, because no matter how great the chemical imbalance tempted me towards irrational thoughts or behaviors, I made the choice to do as they dictated or to deny them the right to define me. I get to choose if the sum total of my life would be a disorder or something of my own making. Some days, I choose better than others, and I am learning to be more consistent in those choices. I had to learn to accept help, to be open with my family about those days when I felt the world beginning to spiral and stop acting as if I had it all together all the time, and I had to learn when to say “enough, I need a break” without just running away leaving everyone to feel like I had abandoned them.

It is hard on my pride. I want to be in control, and I want to have it all together. Above all, I want to be there for those who are important to me, and I am still trying to figure out how to do that in better ways than I have in the past. I am also learning how to remain open even in those moments when shutting down is safer and easier than running the risks of annihilating the world around me, and that has got to be the scariest thing I have ever attempted because I know how thin that line between open and out of control really is.

In all the years of fighting this, there has been one saving grace. I had a standard of truth to cling to. I did not have to rely on the thoughts inside my head or the feeling that washed over me to tell me what was good or right. The answers do not come from the inside, they are found in the revelation of God in his Word. I had to decide to hone my ability to empathize so that I could offer what I believe my faith requires of me.  After all, even if I feel like I am huge black hole of impenetrable darkness that does not mean I can act as if everyone else is. So while careening my car into oncoming traffic might solve some of my problems, I have to remember it might put a huge damper on someone else’s big day. And those days when I am too great to be bothered by the pettiness of your life, I am really working on trying to remember that your pain is valid and real and should be honored as such, instead of cavalierly declaring that death of your dog is just part of life and you should get over it.

I had to decide what I believed. By that I don’t mean that I could just make an intellectual assent to my faith or the dictates of it. I had to get honest about how sincere I was about the Christian ethic of love, kindness, and grace. I had to make a cognitive choice to live these things despite what I may or may not be feeling in a moment, and the most beautiful thing of all is I am not expected to give you a feeling that I have to manufacture on my own. I just have to give you the love that I have been given, the love a Savior that is supposed to flow through me – a love that is far superior to any created within my heart or mind. In that there is freedom, from the condemnation of my inadequacies and the shame of not always feeling as Christian as I think should. The command to me, to us all really, isn’t too feel a certain way, but to act in accordance to His word. So that is the part I am working on. You know, the stuff I can control, most days.

Masochist Tendencies, Sin, or Obedient Wisdom?

Sometimes I am quite certain that I am a masochist at heart. I mean who else would try to learn Hebrew and Greek at the same time? And who else would go out of their way to read, listen to, and watch teachings that run counter to their deeply held beliefs? Yet, time and time again that is precisely what I find myself doing with my time.

Usually, I look at these works as an attempt to understand those whose ideas and faith differs from mine. Many times it is a rewarding experience getting to rummage around in someone else’s brain for a while – a sort of mental vacation from my world. My response is much the same as I might experience on a real life trip wherein I view the artifacts of a differing culture with the full knowledge that I am indulging my intellectual curiosity rather than looking for a new home.

Then there are times when I deliberately set myself in the path of ideas that are counter to mine, hoping to be challenged so that I can know what my faith is really made of. These times are more like a scaling Everest, less of a pleasure trip and more a test of self, a grueling trek made in a hostile environment while still trying to convince myself that this is a fun and rewarding experience. I know that experience can change me, for better or worse. I may well walk away knowing something new about what I believe that could only come through pushing my faith to the limits.

I won’t lie. There have been times when I pushed myself too far had to be medevacked off that mountain side because I broke something or got spiritually dehydrated on the trip. It is cold out there, and the winds of opposing ideas tug at your mind the way the winds of the Himalayas must tug at a hiker’s clothes. Is it any wonder that my fellow Christians wonder why I do it and if there is a point to these journeys? Sure, I learn some new things. I meet some fascinating people along the way. I even have some amazing travel stories and some really awesome pictures, if you can get past the fact that in most of them I am standing on the edge of a cliff, but most of my friends wonder why I do it in pretty much the same manner I wonder why anyone in their right mind would bother to climb a treacherous mountain covered in snow and frozen poop. Just as the desire to make the physical journey leaves me baffled and questioning the sanity of those who climb mountains, my forays into the wilds of opposing world views and faiths leave my brothers and sisters questioning mine.

One of the consequences of my exploratory hikes is having to deal with those who question the validity of my faith. After all what true Christian would deliberately go there? Be it a bar, a pagan festival, or just a webpage that promotes something counter to my faith, the most repeated phrase I hear is “I don’t need to mess with/be distracted by that trash/those lies when I already know the truth.”

The irony, that most of them will not acknowledge, is that I am the one they turn to when circumstance pushes them outside their Christian bubble. I am the one who gets the message asking me to explain the terms like pansexual, kundalini, or Jonesing, and the conversation usually sounds starts with the phrase, “You are the only person I could think of who might know anything about…”

Personally, I find that sad. In fact, if I wanted to be real honest, I find it rather abhorrent because it is nothing more than disobedience glorified as holiness.

Jesus told us that we are to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves, and too many of us succumb to our natural aversion to snakes and act as if the first part of that command didn’t exist. Doves are nicer, they coo so prettily, and the Bible has so many great things to say about them, not to mention they taste great!  Snakes on the other hand don’t have such a great reputation, the sounds they make aren’t nearly so reassuring, and they rarely make it to a plate. (Deep fried on stick if you get down to Texas, but plates not so much.)

But that is kind of the point – doves get eaten if they aren’t smart enough to avoid it, and based on the number I find in the grill of my truck, I don’t place a high value on their intelligence. Neither, does it seem, did Jesus. Why else would he offer the characteristics of the dove as only one part of that equation?

Boys and girls, we can’t afford to just be doves anymore. We have to start taking the whole of this command seriously, and we need to be acquiring wisdom, actively striving to know more about our faith and about our culture. We need to be learning the language of our world the way Paul understood the language of his, drawing from all the resources he had available from Torah to pop poet of his day. We need to be aware of the schemes of the devil, and I am not talking about the latest sensationalized trend that Christian fear-mongers use to keep us trembling and ineffective before a wicked world. That path leads us nowhere, it teaches us nothing, and defies the promise of God who says he did not give us a spirit of fear.

Wisdom is learned in the journey. Faith is tested and refined on that trek into the wilds. The pathways are not easy and they aren’t always pretty, but we were commanded to go into the world for a reason. A reason that not only encompasses sharing the good news but also that we might learn the depths and limits of our faith. For we will never know how much we have to learn until we have been forced to cling to the hand Father along treacherous paths.

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Riddles of Faith and Waves of Doubt

If I have one trap that fall into it is the idea that I can figure everything out given enough time, energy, and sufficient resources. I like to think that I can take just about any problem, break it down into bite sized chunks and chew through it a piece at a time until there is nothing left of the quandary except a few crumbs waiting to be swept up.

Over the past few weeks, I have spent a lot of time delving into the objections raised against my faith. I have read articles and posts that support my view with no verifiable evidence to be seen, and I have read scientific articles that refute my faith without an ounce of grace for the ineffable. I read with the intent of proving myself wrong. I like the challenge of submerging myself in the chaotic seas of conflicting ideas and values, and then fighting my way back to the surface in hopes of catching my breath and experiencing that glow of blissful self-affirmation.

But sometimes those waters are deep and murky, and I have a moment of panic as I realize that there may not be any easy answers to be found – that all those opposing views that I let wash over me could drown my faith if I am not careful.

It is in those moments that I have to remember that faith isn’t about having all the answers. It isn’t about having it all figured out, the pieces and the parts carefully wrapped up and labeled with the appropriate supporting evidence, or even being able to make sense of it all.

Faith is about knowing there is a God who is smarter than I will ever be, whose ways are not my ways, and whose thoughts definitely are not my thoughts. Faith is about being okay with mystery, allowing that great unknown to sweep over you, and fill you with awe – not panic.

I am learning that none of this contingent on me knowing all the answers, and I don’t have to make sense of or defend every aspect of what I believe. If that was all there was to it, I would be worshipping my own intellect and not God. And I hate having to relinquish that control, I like the illusion of “knowing” and perfect sense. I like the comfort of fooling myself into thinking that all this world needs is one more brilliantly articulated argument for celebrating my King as I do, but the truth is that was never what the world needed.

Men and women far smarter and wiser than I have already shared dazzling and brilliant insights that illustrate the beauty of my faith, and they are seldom heard. Prophets, priests, preachers, and kings have declared truth, but truth often falls on deaf ears and hardened hearts. Even the words of Jesus inspired contempt and violence because they made no sense to many who heard his voice.

But what did the world hear when he spoke? What element of his life still rings through the ages, even among those who deny his divinity while offering some respect for his humanity?

For many all they know of him was that he loved. In the face of those who wished him silent, he loved. When he was mocked, called a heretic, and condemned for blasphemy, he loved. His message never weakened or softened, he never wavered in before his critics, or spurned his calling when it demanded all of him. Instead, he continued to love with such great depth and integrity that even those who oppose his worship will grant him that honesty.

Did he have it all figured out during his time here as a man? I don’t think so. He talks of the Father alone knowing the day and hour of his return, he wept at the grave of a friend, and he sweat blood as he faced his destiny on that cross. To me these things speak of a man who chose submission to his God and Father, not of one who knew that a friend would cast off grave clothes at his word, or that the agony of crucifixion would give way to the glories of resurrection.

Am I right? Do I have it figured out? I don’t know. Scholars have debated this point for millennia, but I like to think that he knows what it feels like to wonder, to fear, even to doubt. Selfish of me? Completely, but it makes my not knowing feel a little less overwhelming to think that he knows what I face in this life.

The only question of any importance that remains – is can I follow in his example? Can I learn to be at peace with the mystery of faith? Can I grieve with my friends while never doubting the promises of my Lord? Can I question who I am, what I have been called to do and agonize over the cost while still acting in obedience? Can I love so deep that even when other’s become enraged with my words that my life will be remembered not as a tribute to my intellect, but celebrated for the love I showed with such integrity that it cannot be denied?

For if I can do these things - if I can submerge myself in his presence and allow myself to be swept up in the waves of his love, I will have truly lived a life sharing in the experience of my Lord than if I had solved every enigma of faith, and I will know the joy of awe as greater than a God who submits to demands to be solved.

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Why Christians Are To Blame For SCOTUS Marriage Decision

Okay, now that we good Christian folk have all had a chance to lament the Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage, I think it is time that we took a moment to consider our culpability in the situation. I know this really eats into your allotted time to wail about the evils of our society, but getting honest is a huge part of the Christian faith.

And I think it is time that we got honest about how we paved the way for this decision. Now there are a million and one things that we have screwed up royally, I plan on addressing several of them in the future, but right now I want to focus on one.

We have tried to turn Jesus into the Easter Bunny.

Not even Santa Claus, but the freaking Easter Bunny. Santa, at least, demands good behavior for rewards, but the Easter Bunny, he don’t care. All he demands is that go to sleep and you get all the feel good goodies you want.

We have told the world they should love him because he is soft and snuggly. We have said that he wants you to have your best life now, and that he doesn’t care what you do just as long as he can put a smile on your face, he’s happy bouncing in and out of your life.

The Jesus we showed the world doesn’t even care enough to stop you from facilitating your own demise. In fact, he will help and he will praise you while you do it because isn’t that what wanted? Isn’t he the one who filled your basket with desire, sexual or otherwise, so that you can indulge in it to your heart’s content?

When we started preaching love without holiness, grace without discipline, mercy without judgement, we started preaching a false gospel that only caters to the whims of the selfish. We began with money, because who doesn’t want more? We claimed that God wanted us to prosper financially, and we justified by calling God good and declaring that a good God did not want his people to be without this fundamental necessity for happy life. It was an easy sell. We all bought it.

Our views of God began to warp just tiny bit. It was easy to push aside those passages that talked about Jesus not having a home or caring for the poor. We found other verses that suited our cause so much better, and we began to declare them over homes, our families, and ourselves. We told the world that riches were not evil, and Jesus really didn’t mean it when he said that it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven. The love of money was certainly evil, but we sure didn’t see any reason not to love the things it bought us.

We were trained and groomed to use the Bible as shield against our detractors, and we became proficient in making converts to this gospel of self-fulfillment. Soon money wasn’t the only thing that this message could be applied to. We began to add marriage to the list, God didn’t want me to spend my life being unhappy or so the tale was told, and divorce became a valid option for all, not just those for whom it was not a choice. We tacked on “me time” and called it boundaries, when the reality was we just didn’t want to be burdened with a friend’s need. We found ways to justify fornication, but we never called it that. We knew that God just wanted us to love and be loved.

We stopped serving God and we started serving ourselves. Even church became an experiment in self-gratification (you have no idea the amount of control I used not to use the proper term here), worship was too loud, too slow, too new, too old, and too boring. It offends my sensibilities and tastes, so therefore it could not be of God, because he wants me to be happy. Sermons became pep talks, pop psychology, and self-help seminars so that we could be empowered to live the life Jesus died to give you. We were encouraged to live life more abundantly, but defined according to our new god of happiness.

And oh, how we have served that god! So many lives offered on his alters!

And we served with such devotion that the world caught our fervor. They became excited about this soft and lovable god who gave his people only sweet things and never required a thing in return. They took up his cause and began to evangelize in the streets, in the cities, and on the hillsides. “You were created to be happy! You know our god loves you when you are happy! You deserve happiness and you must fight for it because it is your right!”

Some of the new followed our example, and they still worshipped their god in the Christian churches. They found evidence of him in our sacred books, and they even prayed to him the name of our Lord Jesus. Those who refused to honor their right happiness became hypocrites, legalists, unenlightened, and bigots, and the god of happiness began to look less and less like the God of the Bible.

You want to know who to blame for the Supreme Court decision? Look in the mirror. Point the finger at Christians who failed to live their faith with integrity and who sacrificed the God of the Bible to the god happiness. Blame those who knew better and didn’t care, those who placed selfish desire above obedience, and those who refused to experience the pain of conviction when confronted with the truth of the Word.

See the God of the Bible never prioritized happiness over maturity. He never condoned our selfishness, and he never praised us for meeting our needs. Instead, he asked us to love him above all other things including happiness and self-fulfillment. He said he wants to be the center of our world and life, he wants to be the source for all good things we have and experience, and he wants us to know the beauty of growing in him so that we can share that beauty with the world.

The God of Sinai is cuddly. The God who took out the prophets of Baal wasn't interested in sweet things. The God of who lead the children of Israel through the desert did just show up when they had a tummy ache, he was there through the hard times and the bad but he demanded that the people honor him with their hearts and their actions, and he hasn't changed. The God of the Bible is still the same, it was just us who tried to create him our image in an attempt to avoid the pain of growth.

It's time we repent, and we let him be God of our lives again, even when it doesn't make us happy because when we do there is once again hope that we can change the world - and maybe get it right this time.

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A More Thoughtful Response To SCOTUS Decision

A good friend who always has a balancing and healthy perspective on the issues I address, pointed out to me that yesterday's post about the SCOTUS decision seemed dismissive of the gravity of the situation. And as usual, I could not argue as she was right.

I did not address any of the possible, and I believe inevitable, negative outcomes this will create for the Church. There is no doubt in my mind that things are going to get a whole lot uglier before they get better, and I think that as Christians we should be prepared for what is around the bend.

Now, I am in no way claim to be a legal expert, nor do I pretend to be familiar with all the intricacies of the laws of our land. What I offer is my opinion based on my knowledge as a student of the Bible and history.

What I do know about our nation’s laws is that they can be rewritten to be acceptable to the changes of time and culture to better reflect the social attitudes of our day. The ability to make these changes was integral part of the design from the start and has been used to make some very positive changes in our country. Women’s right to vote and racial equality are just two issues that come to mind without a second cup of coffee. My point is laws change, even constitutional laws change, and to bank on them as the source of our security is absurd and naïve.

And it isn’t always that the laws have to change, it is simply that interpretation of the laws are changed. After all, if you compared many of the selfies posted on social media, they clearly fit the standards of pornography of the Comstock Act of 1873 and would have been grounds to arrest about half our nation. However, over the years styles and fashion changed so the definition lewd and obscene changed and as such laws had to be changed to accommodate public demand. Now you can show your butt online as long as you have a string over the crack, and by law it is not considered to pornographic.

There is a very similar evolution going on in our laws that dictate the relationship between church and state, and the SCOTUS decision is going to accelerate that evolution.

The first, most obvious reason, is that the Bible teaches homosexuality is wrong. I know there are a ton of convoluted arguments to the contrary, but let’s go with the plain reading of the text as offered in Scripture.

Now if we believe that freedom of speech is a protected act in the US then you have never studied censorship laws – speech is only as protected as it is deemed proper under societal dictates. Whereas Clark Gable once caused a scandal by “not giving a damn”, no one even blinks at such phrases today. However, say that for a man to lie with another man as woman is an abomination, and presto! You have crossed over into hate speech, and do you know what isn’t protected under freedom of speech?

If you guessed hate speech, you are right.

Freedom of religion also will not spare us the consequences. All that is needed is apply the term abusive to any religious practice and it can come under fire, particularly when it involves minors, and this isn’t a bad thing. When we have men like Warren Jeffs marrying off teenage girls to the men his church, legal action should be taken. However, where do we draw the line and who determines what abuse is? In California, reparative therapy for a child dealing with same sex attraction is considered abusive and has been banned. Other states are sure to follow as homosexuality is now considered to be normal part of our society and culture.

To me the almost obscene footnote in all of this has become a major issues among Christians, and that is the idea that churches will lose their tax exempt status. Ladies and Gentlemen, I hate to break to break it to you that is going to happen. When we have churches who voluntarily decided to run themselves corporations instead houses of prayer we asked for it, and I am not going to waste time feeling sorry for reaping the consequences of what we have sown. There are greater issues on the line than money, and if you think that God has to have a tax break to be present in this world, your god is pretty small and probably not worth worshipping, and definitely not able to handle the real issues of our world.

So what are we supposed to do? Well, for starters, don’t sit around wringing your hands as if the world has come to an end. What if it has? Isn’t that the hope and longing of all creation? Our job is to be preparing for it, and I don’t mean by stockpiling a bunch of food and ammo. I mean we should be helping those around us to see God’s glory and goodness so that they might be inspired to seek him, and let’s face it, if we are only showing them a defeated God, why would they want him?

We dive deeper into his Word and we follow the outline he gave a persecuted church so many years ago. For their persecution was far greater than any we face now, and yet, he gave them not only the keys to survival, he showed them how to thrive! He told them how to live their faith in the face of oppressive laws and intolerance for their religion. He didn’t lie to them about how believing in him would make their lives all lollipops and rainbows. Instead, he said that we are blessed in persecution and that we would be reviled and that we should rejoice in it.

We become intentional in seeking our King. For it is in knowing him that we find the strength and humility to live transformational lives. Lives that are not full of self-pity or fear, but lives that recognize the darkness makes the light shine even more brightly.

We surround ourselves with other believers, but we remain available to the rest of the world. We find strength and encouragement through the love and support of those who share our faith, and we use those times as a springboard to live our faith boldly before others.

We educate ourselves on the issues that touch the lives of our loved ones, believers and non-believers alike, so that we can have a ready answer in due season. We have been called to be wise, and wisdom is difficult to cultivate in a desert of ignorance.

We walk in grace and compassion, not anger and bitterness. God has done this for us and when we fail to extend it to others, we fail to deny God’s gift to us.

We speak truth, but we do it in love, fully recognizing that the love that has been given to us is also offered to any who would receive it.

But most of all, we share our stories of how God changed us. For some of us this means being real about struggles in our sexuality, for some this an admission that we don’t know what it is like to face that challenge, but for all of us it call to celebrate the goodness of God’s grace and mercy extended to us no matter what we have faced in our lives.

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Why I Am Not Crying About the Supreme Court Decision on Gay Marriage

Today we learned that gay marriage is now legal in all fifty states. There was both much rejoicing and lamenting throughout the land. Supporters of the movement celebrate this new freedom and right within our nation, while Christians vacillate between abject mourning and threats of hellfire and damnation. I will admit that there is a strong temptation for me to join in with my brothers and sisters in Christ, but I am choosing a third option.

I am rejoicing and making a deliberate attempt not to show my butt.

So how is it that a Bible believing Christian can rejoice, you might ask.

Simple.

My faith was never in the government. I know that my identity as a Christian is not tied to my nationality in any way. God was never hamstringed by any governmental authority. If I start acting as if this affects him in the slightest form, I am basically saying the government is bigger than the God I serve. So excuse me if I fail to deify the Supreme Court justices, but I think that would fall under the heading of idolatry and I try to actually live what I believe. (Success is variable, but the attempt is constant.)

I am rejoicing because Bible believing Christianity will no longer be the default setting for Americans. Faith in the Bible as God’s holy and inspired Word will be an act of decision and living it will be a commitment that requires us to be actively engaged in knowing what and why we believe. Laziness and ignorance will no longer be compatible with calling yourself a Christian. Some of us might actually try reading it now that we know that we can’t count on society to reflect what only the Bible is supposed to teach us.

I am rejoicing because this is a reminder that we are to be counter cultural and, boys and girls, we haven’t been that in years if not decades. Instead, we have embraced the *smaller* sins of our times as excusable and justifiable because everybody else is doing it. Whether it was speeding down the highway at ten over, cheating on our taxes, gluttony, sloth, or turning a blind eye to heterosexual immorality, we failed to live up to the standards that our God has given to us and in doing so we paved the way for this decision. When we confused being our culture with our faith, we stopped putting God first and made belonging to this world an act of worship that denied his right to be Lord of our lives. Maybe this will get our attention, and we will stop half-assing this thing we call Christianity and experience the conviction we should have been sensitive to so many years ago.

I am rejoicing because some people only learn through consequences because now is the opportune moment for God to reveal that his law is perfect. Something that could never happen when the decrees for right and wrong were based in man given law, not divine revelation.

I am rejoicing because I believe that by allowing marriage to become a social contract and not honoring it as sacred covenant we have made Christianity a little more irrelevant to our society. And I think that is a very good thing, in that only those who want to experience God will continue to identify themselves as such. Am I ignoring or downplaying the consequences for thousands of people? No, but I am not discounting my God’s ability to act despite and within the consequences of our decisions.

I am rejoicing because now we have an opportunity to choose our response, and the response we chose will identify us as we really are – bigots who are only faithful when it allowed us to feel superior to everyone else, pretenders who never believed but went along when it was convenient, or authentic believers willing to be unpopular for the God we love. But even in authenticity, there is a choice. For if we are nothing but venom spewing martyrs for a God who has called to live in love and peace, then we are denying our faith in denying the world a witness to his love.

So I will not cry over this decision. God is still in control and his Word will remain true. No one can affect that, but we can affect how his Word is manifest in our lives. That choice is and always was ours, and now we must face it as we have never have before. So what will choose? Bitterness, anger, or despair? Or will you do as he has asked and continue to praise him as the God who was not surprised or defeated by some words on paper?

How big is your God? The response you choose will inform the world.

After this posted, a friend of mine observed that I did not address the gravity of the situation here. I giving her words some thought, I followed up with this:  http://misdirectedmusings.blogspot.com/2015/06/a-more-thoughtful-response-to-scotus.html

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