First of all, I want to say I had no intentions of weighing in on the Duggar debate. I have never watched the show, I have never read any articles pertaining to them, and I have never been all that concerned with how many children people decide to have. For me there was simply no appeal in what they had to offer – in either arena of morals or entertainment. Then social media exploded!
I could not turn anywhere without seeing yet another article, blog, or video either demonizing Josh Duggar or attempting to turn him into a martyr, and then the private messages started pouring in asking me to share my views. Now, I do not have any grand answers for how this situation should be handled in legal terms, but I do have some observations about how both sides have handled it on social media.
If I asked just about anyone what they thought of a teenage boy who repeatedly molested his sisters and another girl, I would have gotten firm, etched in stone replies. He is sick. He needs mental help. We need to find out what abuse he was subjected to that would cause him to act out this way. Lock him up. Sure, the answers would have run the gamut from reactionary to ultra-compassionate, but few people would have been swayed from their ideas of right and wrong on this issue.
But this is the problem – most of America knows who Josh Duggar is. We have a name, we have a story, and we have dog in this fight. For some, this family stood for all things good and Christian, from their ultra conservative views on sex and dating to their outspoken stance one LBGT issues and abortion, Christians were relieved to have one of their own getting some positive press. For other’s these people were relics of an ideology and religion that made them little more than circus freaks and objects of scorn and pity for perpetuating antiquated ideas and values.
So what do I think about the Duggar situation?
I think that the whole situation stinks.
And I think that it reveals how hypocritical all of us can be.
If we were to be true to previous statements made by both the religious right and liberal left, we would all be behaving much differently.
The religious right would be demanding blood much as they did with the Lena Dunham case wherein she admits to exploring her sister’s genitals as a seven year old child and then coercing her sister into sexual acts as they grew older – acts that Dunham herself categorizes as predatory. (Later she declared her terminology to be comedic and in bad taste.) We held her up as an example of all that is wrong with the world today, and we condemned her actions evil almost beyond redemption.
Why has our response to Josh Duggar been so different? Simple, Lena Dunham is not our poster child for all things good and wholesome, but Josh Duggar was. And in receiving the news, we did what we do so well, we sank into our pits of denial and tried to find ways to vindicate our golden child.
Folks, that is not how this works. If anything, Josh Duggar and his family are even more accountable for their actions than Lena Dunham and her family. Why? Because they set themselves up as representatives of our faith and that comes with a level of responsibility and accountability that is not applied to those who do not profess to share our faith. To act as if his actions were of little or no consequence is inexcusable, and to use his request for forgiveness as a reason to ignore the past is irresponsible.
For while the eternal condemnation of one’s deeds is removed in seeking forgiveness from our God, the earthly consequences remain intact - this is what allows us to stand before the world with integrity and honor even in our failings! And when deny the magnitude of our sin, we deny the magnitude of God’s redemption and grace. Don’t make that mistake. Do not betray his gift of mercy by using it to circumvent the justice or compassion for those harmed by our sins, because the forgiven are not allowed to avoid the confronting the pain caused by their actions.
Please note, I am not even beginning to reference legal action here. I am simply addressing the moral and ethical teachings of our faith as applied (with bias to Josh Duggar and Lena Dunham). To impose that our standards on those outside of the jurisdiction of the Christian realm while excusing the violation of those standards by those within is to invert the teachings of Christianity and disregard the example Christ’s ministry upon this earth.
Am I suggesting that we ignore Dunham’s attempt to discount her actions since she does not share our faith? No.
I am merely stating that we cannot rail against one and not the other without rightfully being branded hypocrites. The only fitting response that we may make is that we be broken and grieved for both of them, and that even as we speak truth, we do so in love and in the hope of healing.
I am equally disappointed by my friends on the left as they have been almost violently vocal in their condemnation of Josh Duggar while remaining virtually silent about Lena Dunham. I know, I know, her actions have been explained away as mere childhood curiosity and if we simply had account of her deeds as a seven year old, there might be a case for dismissal. However, by her own admission these behaviors continued until the age of seventeen, encompassing the age of Josh Duggar’s actions.
Even more disturbing is the almost maniacal glee posing as righteous indignation on social media. I understand that Josh Duggar’s actions seem to be definitive proof of how dangerous the sexual repression of Christianity can be, but where is the compassion for the girls? Where is the concern for what he may have experienced that would cause him to act in such a manner? Where are the experts to defend him for childish curiosity? Is the compassion and understanding that you take so much pride reserved only for those who share your world view? Are Lena Dunham’s actions and boastful words of her exploits more palatable since she is a woman? Where is the outrage for her victim? How can his actions be more damning than hers?
My point is we are all hypocrites and willing to defend our own. We bend the rules when it serves our cause and excuse those who promote our agenda. We withhold grace, mercy, and compassion according to our whim rather than our stated principles. We crow over the failures of those we do not love and we deny that those we do love are capable of wrong. I am not excusing this behavior for anyone of us, least of all my Christian brothers and sisters. I am simply acknowledging that it exists because that is the only way we will eradicate it from our lives.
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