One Of Those Days

So it is going to be one of those days. You know the days where all the reality that you have been shoving aside in order to keep functioning comes rushing past the dam you have so carefully constructed in your mind and heart? Yeah, one of those days.

Bills have come crashing in, people you thought you could count on fail you, and even the stupid computer won’t let me get through a single blog post without wanting to update despite the fact I have limited time to get this done. Oh, the agony of being me! Excuse me while I go rail against the world for a bit, while I lose sight of all the miraculous things that have happened over the past few weeks and months, while I forget all the monsters slain and moldering because there is a fresh wave on the horizon, and I don’t feel like picking up my sword one more time. Instead, I think I will look for a rock to climb under, if I can find one big enough and one not threatening to topple over and crush me.

On days like this I used to tell people that I should have stayed in bed, but with my luck the ceiling fan would fall on me. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when one day the ceiling fan did, in fact, fall. Thankfully, it happened on day I did get out of bed so the damage was limited to a cloud of dust that covered my room. (And by the way, just to be honest, that “thankfully” was obligatory rather than heartfelt. I was rather irritated about the whole affair.)

I try to have the proper attitude. I really do. I suppose I must succeed on some level because people are always telling me how positive and encouraging I am. You’re welcome, glad to help, and that is wonderful. And I do mean it. I want to be an encourager. I make very intentional and carefully weighed decisions about what I say and what I share because encouraging one another is something I think we should all be actively striving to do. How could I expect less of myself than I would of others? So I put effort into being positive.

But sometimes, if we aren’t careful, that turns into hypocrisy. We become those people whose lives seem to scream, “Look at me! See me! I have it all together, why don’t you?” When the truth of the matter is they are falling apart inside and too scared to admit that today they just aren’t feeling it. Today, they just want the freedom to be down and frustrated with this life.

So today, I am frustrated. I am down. I am worn out and done in. Life is too big to be whooped, and I am the one taking a beating. And that is okay.

Notice that I didn’t say it is fun. I didn’t start doing a hallelujah dance or brush it off as inconsequential. My emotions matter. They have a purpose and value. God did not give them to me and then expect me to deny that they are real. He didn’t tell me that path to holiness is in denial of anything that isn’t all rainbow fuzzies and unicorn farts, and he didn’t say that I am sinful to acknowledging how I feel. And most importantly, he didn’t say that I was being unfaithful in feeling this way.

In an age of pop preachers and carefully coiffed TV evangelists who make their living with the promise of happiness, too many of us have started thinking that feeling anything other than a desire to give a gleaming smile to the world is nothing short of sin. It’s time that we get it straight – our sadness and frustration is not a betrayal of God, it is a demonstration of the fact that their shallow theology just won’t cut it in the real world.

But, but, but, we should rejoice in the Lord always! That is what it says in the Bible! You sow happiness and joy so that you can reap happiness and joy! Change your stinking thinking and your emotions will fall into line – oh, the protests I can hear as I type!

I have but one thing to say to all of that: “Jesus wept.”

Now, tell me this, just how sinful was he being in that moment? Be very careful in how you answer that lest you be guilty of blaspheme.

We could dive deeper and read some of his biting remarks to the Pharisees and his disciples. We could stop and consider the Garden of Gethsemane. We could consider Isaiah 53:3.

He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. 

Emotions, even the big bad ugly ones, are not evil. They are not sinful. They just are. You don’t get to legislate them, and you don’t get to turn them off by becoming some spiritual creature who is above such things. Jesus didn’t, why do we think that we should have it better than him? To think such a thing is arrogance, and that is one emotion that the Bible does call sin.

So you own them. You look them in the eye, and see them for what they are. They are real. They are powerful, and they are tools for understanding ourselves and this world we inhabit. They do not define us, they do not get to rule us, but that does not mean they are without value or purpose. Acknowledging how we feel is the first step to authenticity and is an act of integrity and strength. When we gather them all up, take them to Father, and declare the truth of our experience, we are walking in faith and exhibiting hope in the knowledge that he is greater than anything that has hurt our hearts, but we cannot give to Father what we do not own.

For me, today stinks. I don’t want to feel all of this, and I don’t want to deal with all the things that are frustrating me. I just don’t, and that is the truth as plainly as I know how to put it short of a few colorful metaphors. Eventually, I will get past it. I will be able to remember some of the greater truths of my life, and I will find the will to celebrate the good things Father has given me. I will be able to rest in the hope of his promises to me, but not right now. Not in this moment, because it would be a lie and a denial of how he created me. So I will throw my little pity party, I’ll invite Father over and serve him a cup of coffee if he likes, and whine a bit. He will listen, and he won’t patronize or toss Scripture at me. He will acknowledge my pain as valid, and invite me to give it all to him. And in that moment, I will begin to feel the joy of anticipation as I wonder what grand and marvelous thing he will create from my painful honesty.

Josh Duggar, Lena Dunham, and Why We Are All Wrong

First of all, I want to say I had no intentions of weighing in on the Duggar debate. I have never watched the show, I have never read any articles pertaining to them, and I have never been all that concerned with how many children people decide to have. For me there was simply no appeal in what they had to offer – in either arena of morals or entertainment. Then social media exploded!

I could not turn anywhere without seeing yet another article, blog, or video either demonizing Josh Duggar or attempting to turn him into a martyr, and then the private messages started pouring in asking me to share my views. Now, I do not have any grand answers for how this situation should be handled in legal terms, but I do have some observations about how both sides have handled it on social media.

If I asked just about anyone what they thought of a teenage boy who repeatedly molested his sisters and another girl, I would have gotten firm, etched in stone replies. He is sick. He needs mental help. We need to find out what abuse he was subjected to that would cause him to act out this way. Lock him up. Sure, the answers would have run the gamut from reactionary to ultra-compassionate, but few people would have been swayed from their ideas of right and wrong on this issue.

But this is the problem – most of America knows who Josh Duggar is. We have a name, we have a story, and we have dog in this fight. For some, this family stood for all things good and Christian, from their ultra conservative views on sex and dating to their outspoken stance one LBGT issues and abortion, Christians were relieved to have one of their own getting some positive press. For other’s these people were relics of an ideology and religion that made them little more than circus freaks and objects of scorn and pity for perpetuating antiquated ideas and values.

So what do I think about the Duggar situation?

I think that the whole situation stinks.

And I think that it reveals how hypocritical all of us can be.

If we were to be true to previous statements made by both the religious right and liberal left, we would all be behaving much differently.

The religious right would be demanding blood much as they did with the Lena Dunham case wherein she admits to exploring her sister’s genitals as a seven year old child and then coercing her sister into sexual acts as they grew older – acts that Dunham herself categorizes as predatory. (Later she declared her terminology to be comedic and in bad taste.) We held her up as an example of all that is wrong with the world today, and we condemned her actions evil almost beyond redemption.

Why has our response to Josh Duggar been so different? Simple, Lena Dunham is not our poster child for all things good and wholesome, but Josh Duggar was. And in receiving the news, we did what we do so well, we sank into our pits of denial and tried to find ways to vindicate our golden child.

Folks, that is not how this works. If anything, Josh Duggar and his family are even more accountable for their actions than Lena Dunham and her family. Why? Because they set themselves up as representatives of our faith and that comes with a level of responsibility and accountability that is not applied to those who do not profess to share our faith. To act as if his actions were of little or no consequence is inexcusable, and to use his request for forgiveness as a reason to ignore the past is irresponsible.

For while the eternal condemnation of one’s deeds is removed in seeking forgiveness from our God, the earthly consequences remain intact - this is what allows us to stand before the world with integrity and honor even in our failings! And when deny the magnitude of our sin, we deny the magnitude of God’s redemption and grace. Don’t make that mistake. Do not betray his gift of mercy by using it to circumvent the justice or compassion for those harmed by our sins, because the forgiven are not allowed to avoid the confronting the pain caused by their actions.

Please note, I am not even beginning to reference legal action here. I am simply addressing the moral and ethical teachings of our faith as applied (with bias to Josh Duggar and Lena Dunham). To impose that our standards on those outside of the jurisdiction of the Christian realm while excusing the violation of those standards by those within is to invert the teachings of Christianity and disregard the example Christ’s ministry upon this earth.

Am I suggesting that we ignore Dunham’s attempt to discount her actions since she does not share our faith? No.

I am merely stating that we cannot rail against one and not the other without rightfully being branded hypocrites. The only fitting response that we may make is that we be broken and grieved for both of them, and that even as we speak truth, we do so in love and in the hope of healing.

I am equally disappointed by my friends on the left as they have been almost violently vocal in their condemnation of Josh Duggar while remaining virtually silent about Lena Dunham. I know, I know, her actions have been explained away as mere childhood curiosity and if we simply had account of her deeds as a seven year old, there might be a case for dismissal. However, by her own admission these behaviors continued until the age of seventeen, encompassing the age of Josh Duggar’s actions.

Even more disturbing is the almost maniacal glee posing as righteous indignation on social media. I understand that Josh Duggar’s actions seem to be definitive proof of how dangerous the sexual repression of Christianity can be, but where is the compassion for the girls? Where is the concern for what he may have experienced that would cause him to act in such a manner? Where are the experts to defend him for childish curiosity? Is the compassion and understanding that you take so much pride reserved only for those who share your world view? Are Lena Dunham’s actions and boastful words of her exploits more palatable since she is a woman? Where is the outrage for her victim? How can his actions be more damning than hers?

My point is we are all hypocrites and willing to defend our own. We bend the rules when it serves our cause and excuse those who promote our agenda.  We withhold grace, mercy, and compassion according to our whim rather than our stated principles. We crow over the failures of those we do not love and we deny that those we do love are capable of wrong. I am not excusing this behavior for anyone of us, least of all my Christian brothers and sisters. I am simply acknowledging that it exists because that is the only way we will eradicate it from our lives.

Faith and Denial - The Difference

Denial has no room for your emotions - pain, frustration, disappointment, and anger must be suppressed at all costs.

Faith allows us to embrace our emotions, to experience them, and own them as part of our journey. Only then can that part of us be offered up as part of our sacrifice to Father and a declaration He is bigger than what we feel.