Two Legs And A Piece Of An Ear

The coyotes were thick that year. Paw prints around the chicken coop and their howls sounding just beyond the edges of the porch light were constant reminders that they were on the prowl, waiting for their next chance to kill. It was spring. With young pups in their dens, mamas were lean and hungry. Their normal reserve was wearing thin, and they were willing to take risks that ran contrary to their timid nature. We should have known it was only a matter of time before one of the cows would become vulnerable as they began dropping that year’s calves.

But the coyotes weren’t the only mamas lean and hungry. I was in my second year of seminary. Every week I spent nineteen hours on the road, to and from class. I juggled Greek and Hebrew vocabulary and grammar, the needs of my children, the obligations that came with living on the family farm, and the constant strain of simply trying to survive.

The first semester of grad school, I had tried working until my body rebelled. It seemed that I wasn’t super woman after all, and twenty hours of work combined with fifteen hours of class, homeschooling, that massive commute, and various other needs that had to be tended were more than I could take. Not that I would admit that. In my mind, failure just meant that I hadn’t tried hard enough, and I was livid when I was forced to “self-terminate” my job. Officially the paper work states it was due to lack of availability to work. The truth was I was terminated due to my lack of availability to the womanizing manager, thus beginning a downward spiral into student loan debt, but even then money was virtually nonexistent.

I could write a novel on the obstacles I had faced just trying to get by. My love life was a shambles. The church I attended underwent a major shift that led to me leaving, and not on good terms. I was living on cigarettes and coffee. Five hours of unbroken sleep was a luxury, and I was having to work double time to keep up with my classmates whose previous degrees had prepared them for the classes we now took. Even the most common terms tossed about by my profs were foreign to me, and I was looking up almost everything they said so I could understand the lectures – Reform Theology, Liberation Theology, documentary criticism, redaction, pericopes, types and shadows, all of it left me wondering if I really belonged here. My fellow students seemed to know I didn’t belong there and only a few were willing to be more than polite, and few weren’t even willing to do that.

Emotionally, mentally, and even in this place where one would expect to be fed spiritually, I was that the end of my rope. Don’t get me wrong. God provided in ways that defy explanation, but sometimes it is hard to see him at work when your world is crashing down around you.

“As a shepherd recuses from the mouth of the lion two legs or a piece of an ear, so shall the people of Israel who dwell in Samaria be rescued.” Amos 3:12

These words roused me from the open-eyed nap I had perfected for chapel, and I briefly tuned in to hear the rest of the speaker’s sermon. “Why in the world would anyone bother to save two legs and a piece of an ear?” I wondered, and then my sleep deprived mind turned grouchy. “You’d better hurry up,” I mentally told God, “or that’s going to be all that is left of me. And what good is that going to do you?”

That night after the kids were asleep, I sat on the front porch and dined on ramen noodles and steak sauce, and considered dropping out. What type of mother was I being to my children? How could I possibly get through this when I was constantly so lost on my assignments? Maybe I was never meant to fit in with all the people who had really been called to be in seminary, and I needed to come to grips with the fact that my pride had led me into an impossible situation. The coyotes screamed in the darkness, and on impulse I screamed back hoping to scare them away. Instead, they joined me filling the night with their song until it seemed as if everything dark and black hid hundreds of their kind. I laughed, wasn’t this how it always goes? Stand your ground only to learn that the enemy has you out numbered and surrounded?

The next day, one of the cows limped to the barn. That she had calved was obvious, but the baby was nowhere to be seen. I pulled on my boots and began searching the forty acres. In the far back corner, I found what the coyotes had left.

Two legs and a piece of an ear.

People claim that God doesn’t talk to us these days, but he spoke to on that one. I didn’t need words. It was spelled out in blood before me. Was my God any less loving or caring than me? Was he any less compassionate towards me than I was for this animal? And if I trudged through the heavy grass, to find what was hidden from me, would the God who saw everything miss my struggles? Here I was examining the aftermath of a vicious attack, but he swore to be there to reclaim what was his even from the mouth of the lion. Not to simply view the remains after the enemy had left.

In Exodus 22, we are told that if man gives livestock to another for safekeeping, and it is torn to bits that that the caretaker should gather the remains, and hand it over as proof that he was not a thief. As I walked away from the bloody bits of the calf wishing I could have done more and being confronted with the fact that I could not, I realized that while I had done all I could in the natural, I still had a job to do in the spiritual. I was not a thief. I had not neglected the gifts that had been given over to my care. My life may have been shredded by the teeth of an enemy who roams about like a lion seeking who he could devour, but I was still responsible to get those pieces back to the rightful owner. So that day, I gathered up the remains of my life and presented them to God.

I realized that in keeping those bits of my ravaged hopes and dreams, I was condemning myself as a thief. I was hanging onto what did not belong to me, and hiding the evidence of my own innocence in their demise. And I think this is where most of us miss a step. We see the death, and we see the gore, and so we walk away without completing the task set before us.

Some of us need to go back to the far corner of that field in our lives where our dreams died, we need to pick up the scattered pieces, and return them to the One who gave us that dream. They belong to him, not us, and we need to finish what we started. Walking away, leaving the remains on the ground, shouldn’t be an option. For as we march to God’s throne to offer up even these fragments, we are walking in defiance of our enemy, and bearing witness to the world of our God’s goodness and mercy. We are rejecting the lies of the one who devours, proclaiming that he does not have the final word, he does not get to define our reality, and we will not be branded a thief based on his actions. We are affirming that God sees through it all, he knows who bears the blame, and that we can trust him in our brokenness.

So get to walking, look for those pieces. Stop bearing the guilt that belongs to the one who destroys. Don’t entertain the shame for the deeds of the one who kills. Move in faith towards the King who surrounds us with love, and who never saw death – even the death of dreams – as final. Then stand back and watch what he can do with two legs and a piece of an ear.

Reader’s Question: Why do you believe in a spiritual realm?

Reader’s Question: Why do you believe in a spiritual realm? Hasn’t science proven that all the stuff that they thought were demons and spirits are really diseases or mental disorders? Aren’t you just being superstitious?

This is one of those questions where I have to ask myself, where do I begin? The second question I ask myself, is there anything I can say that would truly convince anyone that my answer is right and true? The honest answer is probably not. And third question I ask myself, how crazy do you want to look when you reply – particularly since you know that your answer probably doesn’t matter?

Well, I have never done anything half way in my entire life (with the exception of keeping house). So I may as well keep up the tradition.

If I wanted to play it safe, I would give you a list of Bible verses that confirm the existence of a spiritual realm, but as the person who asked this does not view the Bible as an authoritative source that is rather pointless. And to be entirely honest, it was not the Bible that convinced me to believe in a spiritual realm. It was only after a number of experiences that I realized that this was a reality that I could not escape, and I learned how to cope with my experiences through the teachings of the Bible.

So instead of offering up that list, allow me to answer with a story.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine decided to help a homeless man. She invited him into her house, fed him, gave him a few useful things, and then at his request brought him to the park where my husband and I are hosts. Camping is free here, and she knew that we would offer any help that we could.

After his first night here, he came up to our camper, knocked on our door, and asked if I would give him a cup of coffee. If you know me, then you already know that coffee is never in short supply. So I invited him, poured him a cup, and listened to his story. Which if you know me, you will also know that one of my favorite things in this world is learning other people’s stories.

He told me about his divorce, how he had lost everything, and how afterwards he just started walking. He caught a Grey Hound in Virginia, rode into Texarkana, and from there started his journey on foot once more. He explained how he was looking for some place quiet, and how he needed to clear his head of all the noises.

So I asked him, “What type of noises are rumbling about in your head?”

He studied his cup for a long time before answering. “I hear voices, all the time voices, telling me what to do. I get a government check for being schizophrenic. Does that scare you?”

I reassured him that it didn’t, and explained that I was bipolar so he was in good company. He laughed a little, but started studying his cup once more, in a way that told me that he wanted to say more but was unsure of how to begin. I waited in silence, giving him a chance to collect his thoughts and gather his courage.

“Your friend said you know a lot about the Bible and stuff,” he finally said. “Do you know about Ra and Nun?”

If I was interested in the man before, he had my full attention now. Just the day before, I had been studying these ancient Egyptian gods. I told him I knew a little, and then asked him what he wanted to know, and why he was asking.

“I hear them,” he told me. “I don’t know who they are or why they are talking to me, but they I know their names because they argue in my head, telling me to do bad things, like kill animals and such. They sent me here. Are they in the Bible? They sound like they could be in the Bible.”

I explained to him that they were not in the Bible, at least not directly mentioned in the Bible. I told him how they were worshipped in ancient Egypt, and how they were gods – one a sun god and one the god of chaos. I told him that believed they were connected to the Nephilim and Sons of God mentioned in Genesis 6, and I how they masqueraded as gods in an effort to fool the people into worshipping them instead of the true God.

As I was speaking, he began to get agitated. His entire manner changed, and he cut me off. He began telling me how he wanted to kill something, a bird, a squirrel, or anything he could overpower.

Abruptly, his mannerism changed again, and he began asking me if I believed that there were spirits who could give us higher knowledge and power.

I told him that there is only one true source of power and knowledge, the God of the Bible, God incarnate in the person of Jesus, and how it was through his blood that we can come to know God’s love and mercy for us. He slammed the coffee cup down on the table and walked out the door. I followed him, and by the time we were outside, he had calmed down again.

“I wish I had more time to study the Bible,” he said not looking at me. “Do you have one I can have?”

I assured him that I would get him one and bring it to him later. He returned to his campsite, and I called Ty and asked him to pick up a Bible on his way home. Later that day, I took the Bible and some food to the spot by the lake where he was set up. He accepted it all less than enthusiastically and began to talk about killing again. As I listened, I studied his campsite and saw that he had cooked various plants over the fires in empty cans, he had more plants drying on the table, and I asked him what that was about. He said he was doing some experiments that voices had told him to do. I didn’t press any further.

As I was leaving, he asked me if I would give him my dog. I smiled and told him, “Hell, no.” He shrugged and pushed the Bible to the far side of the table away from him.

The next day he left. He told me it was too quiet that he couldn’t stay here because the voices got too loud here. He needed to go someplace he felt more comfortable and familiar with, and he walked out of the park.

On the surface, this seems like a random encounter with a mentally ill man, and I am in no way discounting that he had a very real medical condition. Nor am I belittling him for it. After all, I have one too. However, there are two things that make me believe this was a spiritually motivated encounter.

First of all, this is just one of many events that has happened since I started writing my latest book. The list of coincidences could easily be the basis for another book entirely, but I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe that everything has a reason and a purpose. The fact that just the day before I had been researching the very gods he named, supposedly gods that he knew nothing about, confirms to me that this encounter was not accidental. Additionally, many of these encounters seemed to have been engineered to engender one response within me – fear.

Secondly, this was not the first stranger to knock on my door since I began writing this book. The first man approached asking me if my bus was for sale. When I told him no, he walked off muttering some sort of sing-song chant. I watched him as he snuck through the woods to get a better look at the bus, and called the sheriff. When the deputy sheriff picked him, he told me that the man kept muttering that he had to “stop the gypsy.” In case you didn’t know, everyone calls my bus the Gypsy Bus.

Ty and I have been here for over a year and both of these occurrences happened within weeks of each other. Never before have any of the campers here so much as given me a creepy vibe. Most of the folks are good people just looking for some time on the lake to fish, and they have been encouraging supportive of the work we are doing here. Yet, within a matter of weeks, we have two men here whose presence was disconcerting and concerning. And why did they appear at these times? It was when I started the book that led me to research Ra, Nun, and a whole host of other ancient gods and their myths.

I no way expect anyone to believe in a spiritual realm because I had these experiences. With enough effort, anyone could reason them away into nothing more than random events. I realize that and accept it, but I cannot dismiss the sheer number of things that have occurred in my world since the inception of this book. These are but a part of a larger story that stands as but a chapter in my own life. To me it is a manifestation of the activities of the spiritual realm, but you alone can determine what it means to you.

Running From Demons, or The Fine of Art of Hurting Yourself

I have spent a large portion of my life running, mostly from and occasionally to this thing I could not or did not want to define. I have always been afraid that if I truly embraced all that I know to be true I would only alienate those around me, after all when you spend your childhood knowing things that you should not know, being chastised for having an over active imagination, and doing your best just to fit in, you learn that there are parts of who you are that frighten the adults – you know, the rational folks who rule your world. Things didn’t get better when I supposedly joined the ranks of adults even though I was doing my best to follow the rules of proper behavior and belief.

I got married my final year of junior college, mostly because if you are good Christian girl in Oklahoma that’s what you do. He looked good on paper, ticked off all the little boxes on my checklist of things I wanted in husband that youth directors encourage us to make so that we can be objective in our decisions on who we are to marry. What I wasn’t prepared for was the battlefield being married to him would become, and I am not talking about our epic fights that often left me with bruises or the screaming matches that ended with threats to end one or both our lives, I am talking about the sheer presence of evil in our home.

For most people, evil is an abstract concept. It is something that you define and then you simply do not do that particular thing. It is something that exists but only as a principle or violation of principle, but for me it was real. And this is where I will lose a large part of you who will be convinced that I have lost my ever-lovin mind. When I say evil is real, I am talking about every stupid ploy used on horror movies multiplied by nine and then subdued by the lack of a soundtrack. Pots and pans flying about in your kitchen? Yup. Windows opening and closing on their own? Yup. Footsteps up and down the hallway? Been there done that. How about the radio, TV, and other electronics turning on and off, flipping stations, and emitting garbled noises when they aren’t even plugged in? Seen it. Fireplaces billowing with smoke when they haven’t held a fire in decades? Sure, it happened. The darks shadowy voids would prance about the edges of the room, like a person who moves just out of the corner of your eye, daring you to look at them. That was an everyday event.

My favorite? When they wake you up from a dead sleep to tell you something. My least favorite? When they contort the face of someone you love until they are no longer recognizable, and the spit curses at you in a voice that you have never heard before.

Even in the midst of all this, I was told I was the one losing my mind. I was told that my particular denomination did not have to deal with demons because we didn’t pay them any attention. You know that sounds all well and good, but I have to tell you, it is awful hard not to pay attention to them when they keep jerking the covers off your bed.

Over the years, I have developed a few theories. How right or wrong they are I am still willing to question, but overall they have held up. The first is that any demon that is desperate enough to use direct manifestation as its way to control a person isn’t much of a demon. In fact, I look at them in much the same way I look at mice. Now, ask yourself, how many people have you known who have been hurt by a killer attack mouse? Yeah, me neither. On the other hand, I have met a ton of people who have hurt themselves trying to get away from those fearsome beasts, and that is how most folks seem to get themselves hurt by demons – running away from them.

This is not to say that you don’t do anything. That is stupid. After all, if there is a mouse in your house you set traps, buy poison, call an exterminator because we all know that with mice there is filth and disease, and they will ruin everything they can by chewing it up or defecating on it. It is the same thing with demons, you get them out of your house before they destroy it.

Now most of us have been taught how to pray and how to stand on our authority as believers. We have the right to demand that they leave by the authority given to us in the name of Jesus. The Bible declares this, and quite frankly, most of us haven’t been using it. And I hear from so many who did that things just got worse, so they end up just hoping they will go away – hahahahahaha!!!

Not a chance. These things hide in walls, under furniture, and in your underwear drawer. Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they are not there. You have to take a step further.

All of nature abhors a vacuum, and before we started defining nature as this physical realm, nature was strictly spiritual. So it abides by many of same principles. I would go so far as to say that most of things you see in nature are reflection of how the spiritual realm works. This means that you have to fill the void left by their departure or they will just grab seven of their buddies and come back. This is where most people get stumped because they have never learned how to fill that void.

The good news is like all things of our faith, enacting the solution is easy – so easy that you might miss it. You fill that void with God. And where is God enthroned? On the praise of his people. You have to invite him, create a throne in your home, in your heart, and in your life. Too many of us are claiming to be his subjects but have never bothered to create a place in our lives from which he can rule. It is not enough to do lip service and never put this knowledge in action because when we fail to do so we are leaving a giant void in our lives just crying out to be filled and since demons, unlike God, don’t wait for invitation, guess who is going to rush right in?

This is by no means a comprehensive battle plan. It is just a taste of some of things I am learning not to run away from in my life, and I doing a lesson review for myself as much as for you. To learn more, I strongly recommend Victory Over the Darkness by Neil Anderson and I also recommend that you surround yourself with people who seeking God more than they are worried about what is slipping around in the darkness. Because there is an inherent risk when we focus on these thing too long and too closely, we can become mesmerized by their power and the mystery of it all. We can be overwhelmed by the sheer force of evil that we now realizes surrounds us and become fearful and defeated. But God wants us to know that he is bigger, greater, more powerful, and more awe inspiring than any of the petty displays the demonic enacts on this earth. He wants our hearts to comforted and emboldened to not only seek him but to demonstrate the world the glory of his love in our lives, and we cannot do that if we have been seduced or terrified by beings who have already been defeated at the cross.

So we learn to walk with knowledge and discernment. We seek our Lord so that we may know truth. We strive for balance, somewhere between ignorance and obsession, so that we are properly equipped to face our enemy while never being distracted from our King.