Shunning Social Media - Why it might not be as holy as you thought

One of the biggest temptations I have to fight is the urge to slink away into my dusty old books and hide among their comforting pages. My life would be simpler if I resign myself to digging through ancient texts, unraveling the Greek and Hebrew of obscure Biblical passages, and drowning in historical documents that you have never heard of – even as I write that the idea pulls at me with an almost irresistible force. No more Facebook squabbles, no more Twitter drama, and no more messages from people I do not know asking me about what the Bible says about their sex lives – but above all, no more finding out just how idiotic my friends can be and my love for them could stay unblemished and unchallenged.

And while it is a grand thought, it is a thought that I cannot surrender to.

Believe it or not, I do have a life off-line, and part of that life is talking to people who are or who will soon be entering into the ministry, and I have found that these friends can be divided into two groups:

1. Those who shun social media.
2. Those who use social media.

And the second group can further be divided into two sub-groups:

1. Those who use social media as a mirror.
2. Those who use social media as a tool.

My friends who shun social media all give me the same reasons: they want to be more focused on the people who are physically present in their lives, they don’t like the drama of it, there is so much garbage out there, it is a waste of their time, it is a distraction from the things that matter, and there is no need to add to the noise. I will admit that these all sound like valid, even holy, reason to stay out of the fray. After all, life is hard enough without inviting a few hundred bickering people into your life, but are they really good reasons not to be involved in what has become an almost universal experience for our culture?

I don’t think so. As social media becomes the most prevalent medium through which ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and even experiences are shared, I believe that if we are to be in touch with our community we need to be going to where the people are and that is social media. For me, social media is the bushes and hedgerows of our day. It can feel as if it is a big impenetrable mass of conflicting and thorny opinions run amuck, but that is where I believe we are called to be. That voice crying in the wilderness, if you will, because let’s be honest, it can get pretty wild.

Another thing about all those reasons, is that if we look closely at them they are focus on one thing – personal comfort. The only possible exception being the first one. However, even that one, to my mind, is suspect, because one of the major problems often discussed among those in ministry is “how do we reach more people.” The answer is pretty obvious, you go to where the people are, and the majority of folk aren’t hanging out in the pastor’s office.  The great, and often ignored, thing about social media is that when someone shows up and you have that chance for a face-to-face encounter, then you have the power to step away. It is a matter of personal discipline, not computer or phone’s fault if you fail to do so.

However, simply being on social media is not enough. Too many good Christians fail to utilize it in an effective way, and I am not just talking about getting your message out, I am talking about using it as a tool to learn about the world we inhabit. Unfortunately, most people fail to do this. Instead, most people use social media as mirror to affirm that the world is filled with people who are just like them or people who hate people just like them.

The thing is social media is what you make and if you want to be self-affirming, personally validating experience, it can be. It is all up to you. For instance, Facebook operates on algorithms that dictate what appears in your newsfeed. If you are only reading conservative Christian news, then eventually that will be all you see. If you only follow pages that share ideas that affirm your own, then you will never be confronted by those who hold idea counter to yours, and consequently will continue to be isolated from events and ideas that are impacting your church and community.

This is why I follow a number of pages whose agenda and bias I disagree with and sometimes even find offensive. My newsfeed run the gamut from reactionary Christian sites that almost make ashamed to be affiliated with the title Christian to ultra-leftist sites that bash my faith with glee. Facebook is so confused by me that in one day suggested posts ranged from where to buy a burqa to pole dancing classes to an article on Atonement Theology, and that is the way I like it. But even more importantly, this is what I have designed it to be through intentional engagement with a world beyond my ideas and beliefs.

For me, social media is a tool, not just a mirror. I use it to know what is going on in the lives of people I love. I am able to be a part, even if it is just virtual presence, in the lives, births, illness, deaths, loves found and lost of those who would never pick up the phone to call.  I get to connect with friends who live down the road, but are too busy to tell me that their kid is excelling at karate, and I get to engage in meaningful conversations with friends from around the globe who share my faith or challenge it. Consequently, I have the opportunity to grow as a person and believer as I share my faith, explore ideas, and hopefully help others do the same.

Not everyone will use social media to the extent that I do, and I am not advocating that you do. I was intentional in building a network that would allow me to reach past my little corner of the world and move into global arena for a reason, but not everyone is called to this level of participation in our electronic world. I can respect that, but limited engagement is not no engagement. And we have been called to be engaged, to be a part of our culture so that we can impact it in meaningful ways, so that we can be wise and aware of the world around us. We can’t do that if we block out the single greatest means of communication available to us today, and that is why I believe everyone who is involved in ministry – at any level – should be part utilizing this as strategic resource.

Now, I know that in many ways this post is preaching to the choir and you, my reader, are probably already using social media as tool I described. So share this with someone who could be benefit from considering what I have shared, and when you do ask them this one question – can you imagine what Paul would have done if Facebook was available to him?

Emily's Rules For Witnessing (Well, more like guidelines. Suggestions, really)

A big part of our faith is witnessing, sharing the good news with those around us. For many Christians this is the most daunting task we have to face, and the reason is most of us don’t know how to witness without ending up in an argument.

It is no secret that most of my working life has been spent in what most would consider rather worldly situations. I have spent a lot of time listening to the stories of those who have never heard about God’s love, heard distorted versions of it, or even accounts of those who been burned by the Church. During that season I learned a lot about talking to those who live outside our Christian bubbles, but more than that I learned the importance of listening to them. I learned many of the things that turn them off and keep them from hearing what we have to say. I also learned how engage them in conversations that help them move a little closer to God.

I wanted to write this post not as a way to brag on my abilities, but rather to share some of what I have learned. Hopefully, I can save you a few steps, and maybe you can avoid some of my mistakes.

Rule #1 - You have to keep the conversation going. You can’t share our message with someone who won’t listen to you.

Rule#2 – Conversations stop when you start being confrontational. We can’t force someone to believe what we believe, even if we know we are right. The shields go up, doors close, and all chances of having an important conversation are lost, sometimes for good.

Rule #3 – Correction is reserved for those who proclaim to share our faith. Anyone outside the Church or does not profess a relationship with Jesus is off limits. Jesus’ words of correction were reserved for those who proclaimed to know the law, not the Roman Centurion.

Rule #4 – Listen. Listen. Listen. Chances are they already know the plan of salvation. You would be surprised at the number of people sitting around a bar who can quote chapter and verse better than most regular church goers. You are not there to fix them, you are there to show mercy and compassion to a world in need. You start by learning their story.

Rule #5 – Acknowledge their wounds, even those caused by sinful behavior. The pain is real, and dismissing it, or worse, to proclaim it as deserved, says we do not value them as a person. Remember Jesus never kicked a leper, nor did He beat the woman caught in adultery. We should follow His example.

Rule #6 – Answer questions about your faith as they arise. People will tell you what they are ready to hear, and if you don’t know an answer, don’t try to bluff them. Say you don’t know and offer to find out, and then do it. Most people appreciate knowing you cared enough to address their questions in a sincere and thoughtful manner.

Rule #7 – Never compromise your faith by engaging in behavior that negates your words, and if you do, acknowledge it. After we stumble is a great time to talk about God’s gift of forgiveness to you, and the experience of conviction over your sin. Remember this conversation is all about you, and not the unbeliever.

Rule #8- Don’t say things like, “Thank you, Jesus” when you have a flat tire. It comes across as insincere. Although you may mean it, no one will believe you, including me. Acknowledge that you are upset, and it really did nothing to brighten your day. Acting sanctimonious says either you aren’t human or you are hiding something.

Rule #9 – Make friends with nonbelievers, and don’t have an agenda. Trust me they can tell when you are plotting something. Get to know them because they have admirable traits, everyone has one, with some people you just have to look a little harder.

Rule #10 – If they are passionate about something and it violates no Biblical principle join them. You can learn some really amazing things this way, about their interests and about them as a person. You don’t need to teach them the Roman Road to salvation every time you see them, just hanging out is okay.

Rule #11- Know your limits. Going out into the world to share our faith is dangerous, know when to retreat, and have a plan in place for those times when things get outside your comfort zone. Usually a simple “time for me to go” is sufficient. Don’t try to explain why you need to leave, just firmly but gracefully make your exit.

Rule #12 – THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOR YOU! Establish a network of mature Christian friends to hold you accountable. Make sure they are the type of people who will ask you the hard questions and make you answer. If they say get out, get out.

The most difficult thing in this approach is learning how to have the conversations without compromising your position. It helps to use “I” statements, and avoid accusations. Pick your battles wisely, in this era of open mindedness and tolerance we can state what we believe as long as we aren’t forcing down someone’s throat. Most people love to talk about spiritual matters if they know they won’t be attacked. There may be times when you have to take a stand, but I have found all but the most belligerent of people don’t want to fight. More can be accomplished by giving them room to wrestle it out than trying to force a situation to a head.

Don't Flinch

“I believe we were created by aliens,” he announced from nowhere.

I grinned and poured his drink, careful to let amber brew slide down the side of the chilled glass. The challenge in his voice was unmistakable. What he up to was obvious, I had watched him in action far too many times before this to be surprised.

I set the beer before him and leaned on to the bar, doing my best Sam Elliot impression, wishing for once I had bushy eyebrows to look through.

“Aliens?” I asked pushing him a napkin.

“Yup,” his eyes glittered, anxious for the coming fight.

I shrugged and grinned a little bigger. “As in extra-terrestrials?”

“Yup,” he was getting ready to pounce.

“As in not of this earth?” I queried as coolly as possible. “As in something bigger, greater, more powerful, and smarter than you and I can begin to imagine…”

“That’s right.” he was perched on the edge of his chair now. His broad smile revealing just how many teeth he was missing.

“Well, Bud, I guess I’ve got to agree with you - God’s an alien.” He deflated like a child’s balloon. I could almost hear the air hissing out of him as he shrank back on the stool.

He took a long draw off his cigarette and downed half his beer in one swig. He gave me an irritated glare that gave way to an indulgent smile. “Hmmph, God’s an alien.” He raised his glass in a mock salute and threw back the rest of his drink.

I learned something that night - Don’t flinch. He came in there like a bantam rooster raring for fight, and he was sure I would give it to him. He knew what  I believed, and he was counting on me to act like so many other intolerant and insecure believers. What he didn’t count on was the fact, I was tired and just ready to go home. Fighting just wasn’t on my agenda.

We talked for a long time that night, about God, faith, and the Bible but mostly we talked about why I didn’t feel the need to lock horns with him. You see, I live by a code - one that does not require that I have to validate what I believe by gaining the approval of others. I can share what I believe and they are free to take or it or leave it. That night Bud learned something too. He learned that there are Christians out there that can discuss their faith without arguing about it, that we can acknowledge a valid point even if it comes from an opposing view.

Arguing about faith is waste of time leading to hurt feeling and often make both parties look foolish in the process. And trying to convince someone your right when you just injured them is sure fire way to get yourself hurt.

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Confession Of An Irate Christian, or Why Can't You Just Agree With Me?

Emily Rant or, perhaps, a lament?

I recently had a conversation where I tried to explain why Christians are not the same as other people. I talked about how our values, morals, ethics, and very way of life is radically different from the people around us. I told how there are certain behaviors that we engage in and others that we avoid. I shared how our relationship with God compelled us to be set apart from the crowds and why we are to identified by this distinct state.

The person I was talking to became irate - irrational, even, refusing to acknowledge these things. In their opinion Christians were no different - worse, in some cases, than the people around them. I reminded them that simply claiming the title without modifying your life accordingly did not necessarily make one a Christian. I was still met with belligerent anger as they refused to see my point.

And that's when I, with all the love of Jesus in my heart, was overcome with the desire to smack them up side the head with my Grandpa's Bible - because his is significantly bigger than mine. I felt the sting of righteous indignation as I fought down the urge to choke this idiot out so that they might know the goodness of The Lord, and above all things I wanted to drive their foolishness far from them with a rod of correction.

Instead, I broke off the conversation because assault charges aren't in my immediate plans. Yet, hours later I was still fuming that anyone would choose to miss such a simple point - not all people claiming to be Christians are really Christians and if you do not see a life marked with integrity, love, compassion, grace, and mercy then chances are you dealing with a liar, fraud, or hypocrite. Surely, a little violence could be excused to drive home such a valid point?

Okay, yeah, I get that there is a huge disconnect between what I was saying and what I was thinking/feeling in that moment. I get that punching someone repeatedly in the throat so that they will acknowledge the life changing power of the love of Jesus isn't exactly the most credible means of communication. I was just mad, mostly at not being met with immediate agreement, but mad that I was being exposed as a rather small individual.

I, also, realized on reflection that I'm mad at other Christians too. I'm mad at each and everyone of us who lived lives that fail to uphold the standards of faith in such a way that we are unmistakably recognizable to the outside world as people whose lives have been radically changed by an encounter with the living God. I'm mad that our faith is only skin deep and if you scratch the surface you only find ugly, self-serving thoughts, and I'm mad that when faced with resistance our tempers rival that of a hooker who got stiffed. I'm mad that we are known more for our rage at the "world" and less for our conviction or desire to change the faults in our own lives.

I'm mad that we've stopped living our lives with integrity and excellence, as a service and witness to our King, and have chosen instead to justify our behaviors by blaming circumstance, mood, or barometric pressure. I'm mad because we have made everyone else other than God more important than God when we allow their behavior to dictate our feelings and actions. I'm mad that we will check our behaviors by how they will sound on Facebook, but we never stop to consider if they are up to the standard of THE BOOK. I'm mad that the actions and words of people who do not share our faith shame us into conforming to their image far more effectively than our relationship with our Lord motivates us to be conformed to his image.

You see, I shouldn't be surprised or angered that someone who doesn't share my faith doesn't see the distinction between Christians and everyone else. Why should they? Especially since most of us haven't either.