A Scandalous Tale - Sex, Social Media, and Ministry

What happens when you put over 600 women in closed Facebook Group and ask them to talk about their most intimate issues? You learn:

1. The Church and Christian communities have been far too silent on issues of sex, women’s health, and relationships.

2. We all struggle in these areas. The specifics may change from woman to woman, but we are all trying to figure out how to balance our faith and our flesh, trying to be good stewards of each.

3. Shame has been the leading contributor to the lack of education, self-destructive behaviors, abuse, and the inability to celebrate this great gift of sex.

4. How laughter heals and eases us through the hard lessons.

5. The power of having others invest in your well-being through a kind word, prayer, and tangible support.

6. The joy of discovering your story can help another on their journey.

7. That when you give people a tool they already know how to use, they will create something amazing with it.

When the Scandalous Ladies Facebook Group took off on May 29, 2016, we had no idea what we were in for. The group exploded from three members to over one hundred and fifty in less than three hours. In eleven days, we broke three hundred and fifty, and we are still growing. The pace has slowed a bit, but growth isn’t measured in numbers alone.

During that time, we have had over a dozen women make connections with counselors, eight couples have gone into marriage counseling, and hundreds (that’s right, HUNDREDS!) of women have reported that the overall quality of their marriages have improved. The tales of new found freedom and joy in being a woman are told daily, and the friendships being formed have transformed lives.
Our network and combined resources have helped one woman get out of an abusive relationship and into a safe home, another family is being helped through a hard financial time, and the women of Scandalous gave sacrificially in a successful effort to remove girls from a life threatening situation overseas. Even the men are voicing their praise, as their wives have opened new dialogues about sex and proposed they explore some new adventures between the sheets – or other places!

And we do not show any signs of slowing down anytime soon! Since May we have started a Scandalous Moms group, and this month we launched a public page where men can join in the conversation. Soon we hope to launch a series of international (yes, that’s right! International!) conferences and retreats.

I am sharing all of this with you for two reasons:

1. Yes, would love your involvement and support! Ladies, consider this your personal invitation to join the Scandalous Ladies Facebook Group, and to take part in the discussions on “A Scandalous Faith”, our public page.  Men, we need to hear your voices so join us on the public page too, and please, don’t be shy. We want your insights and opinions that is why we started “A Scandalous Faith.

2. I want everyone to know what a powerful tool social media can be, and I want my Christian and Church friends to pay attention.

Within the Christian community there has traditionally been a huge push for outreach and ministry within our communities. These are admirable and needed aspect of fulfilling the mandates of our faith, but let’s face it, we tend to over complicate things. We focus on big events, massive (and often top heavy) programs, or other ways that we can address the masses with some sort of impersonal ministry machine. We stop looking at people as individuals and meeting them where they are. Instead, we get lost in the program and the structure, defending the machine instead of stopping to value the person the machine is supposed to serve.

This is why I think Scandalous works. You can’t talk about sex, sexuality, and relationships without addressing the person. Our machine is secondary, it is the tool we use to meet people where they are. It doesn’t need to be protected, it does not eat up all our resources, and it serves only one function – it connects us with the people that we are here to serve. For us that machine is social media. It is free, we all have it, we don’t have to teach our people how to use it, and we didn’t reinvent the wheel. We used the tool at hand, and made it serve our purposes.

We took all the things that church people like to complain about when it comes to the internet and flipped it on its head so we could use it to our advantage. Impersonal? Yes, but reinterpret that into anonymous and nonthreatening. Too much sex? Oh, yeah, but maybe that is just one way people are saying they need to talk about these things. Crude humor? Sure, but maybe that is how people express their discomfort as they try to establish a dialogue. Eats up all your time? You bet, but maybe it is because people are looking for something to invest their time in that really matters. Hate filled speech and drama? Absolutely, but maybe that is because there is no place else they can express their need for passion.

We didn’t invent this formula for how to have vital and thriving Facebook community. We stumbled into it by asking people to do one little thing – tell their stories. That is it. Tell your story, let us know that we are not alone wrestling with these major life issues, help us understand how you cope, how you survive, and show us how we can be important in your life. Maybe that is just a place to vent, maybe it is providing a safe space to ask the questions you can’t ask anywhere else, maybe you need someone to laugh with you, or maybe you need someone who is willing to cry with you too.

People will tell you what they need, but you have to be listening. They are saying need community. They need to know that they matter, that they are more important than the cogs of some ministry machine. They need some place to invest, to know that they have the ability to make a difference, and that their experiences matter. And that is all we have provided. The women and men who have joined us on this journey are the ones who have made it work. The amazing team of men and women who have so selflessly devoted their time and energy to fanning this spark of an idea into flames have done little more than provide a place where others mattered – really mattered, not for the numbers that can be tallied on a spreadsheet, but rather for the strength each brings to the table for the rest of us.

We in the Christian community need to stop lamenting over a lack of resources or our inability to get people through the doors of our buildings. We need to go to where the people are, and right now that is social media. But beware, you can’t treat people like projects or offer help in the same manner that you would pitch peanuts to a monkey at a zoo. You have to be willing to give, not a program, not an event, and not some pretty little prepackaged Christian band aid, you have to give yourself. And you do that by giving them your story – your successes, your failures, your humiliations, and your victories because that is the only way they are going to see not just you but the God we serve, the God redeems all things.

It is time we stop being afraid, that we stop hiding behind all the glam and glitz of programs, and using them as an excuse for not being present in our communities or blaming the internet for keeping people away from the good we are trying to do. It is time we showed up. The online community is a community, a very real and thriving community that has extended an invitation to us, so now it’s time to remember your manners and show up. We did and were welcomed with open arms.

A Challenge For My Detractors - Until Then I Will Remain Scandalous

Y’all might want to buckle in for this one. I am little steamed and I am afraid I might forget how to be proper – but it turns out it probably won’t be the first or last time I hear that allegation.

Twelve days ago, something magical happened. I had no idea at the time what a few clicks of a mouse would mean to my life, and even now, I am pretty sure that I am just barely starting to understand the magnitude of that act. You see, a few friends and I decided to start a discussion group inspired by a book I wrote a few years back. (You can purchase it here: Scandalous on Amazon) Within three hours it went from six people to over one hundred and fifty. In three days we had over three hundred and fifty women – all sharing their stories, all asking their questions, and all experiencing a freedom that is all too rare in Christian circles.

You would think that this would be a good thing, but it has gotten back to me that there are some folks out there who think that what we are doing is evil, wicked, and – gasp – improper. There are even a few women who have been chastised for daring to associate with us.

Good Christian girls don’t talk about things like molestation, rape, marital problems, porn addictions for him or her, feminine hygiene, spousal abuse, traumatic births, difficulties have sex with our spouses, sex toys, lubricants, oral sex, anal sex, or period sex. We are supposed sit back and act as if these things either never happened to us, the women we love, or voice a desire to know what the Bible really has to say beyond we should sit down, shut up, and accept what we have been given with proper blushing timidity.

Here is my problem with people who say stuff like that – not that they would actually say these words, they just want to act all appalled and self-righteous – none of them have offered up one scrap of a Bible verse to support their opinion. Let me repeat that: NONE of them have given any BIBLICAL REASON to support their OPINION that we should be silent on issues that make THEM uncomfortable. Criticism flies high and thick, laced with a lot of pious outrage and sanctimonious shock, but that is ALL they have ever offered me or anyone that they have confronted. Oh, sure there are lot of holy SOUNDING words, even a few random phrases from the Bible tossed about as if anyone with half a brain and the ability to read couldn’t tell they have been ripped from their proper context and application in a desperate attempt to vilify women who dared to be honest.

Allow to clarify a few things for you folks. The Bible isn’t proper. In fact, the Bible is rather scandalous itself. Don’t believe me? Try these on for size.

Yet she increased her whoring, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the whore in the land of Egypt and lusted after her lovers there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose issue was like that of horses. Thus you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when the Egyptians handled your bosom and pressed your young breasts.” Ezekiel 23:19-21 ESV

(In case you missed it, “member” means penises and “issues” means ejaculations.)

I myself will lift up your skirts over your face, and your shame will be seen. Jeremiah 13:26

(Oh, and “shame” there – well, it’s referring to genitals again!)

In that day the Lord will shave with a razor that is hired beyond the River—with the king of Assyria—the head and the hair of the feet, and it will sweep away the beard also. Isaiah 7:20 ESV

(Why in the world would anyone shave their enemy’s feet and cut off their beards? Unless, this means…gasp…genitals again!)

This is just a sampling of what the Bible offers in the way of scandalous verses, and I could go on. However, let’s just stop right here for a second and notice one tiny detail. In all three of these passages, the prophets were writing on the behalf of God himself. So it wasn’t really the prophets talking this way, it was God talking this way. Some of you need to stop and let that sink in for a moment.

And what about Song of Solomon? I don’t care you slice that puppy or try to dress it up as an allegory for Christ’s love for the Church. The book is sexual and sensual. To deny that shows that you are more concerned with defending your own delicate sensibilities than getting real about God, His Word, or our faith.

Finally, we should look to Titus 2. This verse is a favorite for women’s ministries, but y’all like to over spiritualize every cotton picking thing.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:3-5 ESV

We are to teach what is good. We could spend hours, years even discussing what is good – things like freedom from bondage, how to be good stewards of our bodies and sexuality, how to heal from sexual trauma and abuse, what healthy marriage that celebrates sex can look like. We can spend years talking about how to be good wives and mothers, but you are fool if you think that means we can be silent about sex, the scars we carry from past relationships, dealing with sexual issues within a marriage, or how to train our children to live in a world where porn is one click away from us all. We can discuss what it means to be self-controlled but we aren’t talking about how to control our biology we are missing a major element of the conversation.

And when we get to that last point – “that the word of God may not be reviled” – every argument ever offered to me, claiming that I must be silent is shredded. Because do you know what happens to women who told to bury their past, to ignore the pain caused by the misuse and abuse of their sexuality, or to deny that they have questions? I do. They end up in marriages where their lives are endangered. They become invisible victims of abuse. They become disillusioned with the Church and think they are disillusioned with a God who is not great enough to deal with the complexities of female sexuality. They rebel against the restraints that the overly pious would place upon us, and they act in anger against God and his Word. I know this. I know because I lived it and because so many women tell me the same story – a story that begins with, “No one ever talked about this.”

So here is my challenge to all of my detractors – show me one verse in context that says I am wrong. Give me one place within the pages of God’s word that would convict me of leading women astray, and I will pull Scandalous from the sales, close down the discussion group, and never speak of these things again. That is how right I KNOW this is.

A Dark Part Of My Life - Freedom to Grieve the End of Abuse

I never knew what was going to set him off. One day it might be that I stepped on the white tiles of the floor, the next it would be because I stepped on the black. Maybe dinner was not to his liking, although he had proclaimed this dish to be his favorite last week. Perhaps I failed to hang his shirts in the particular order that he had decreed proper, or I had left my room before receiving permission.

Tonight it was the evening news.

Somewhere in the broadcast, I had gone from casual viewer to responsible for a story’s content. Exactly when that occurred, I could not say. I had been too busy nursing our less than six week old baby to spare much attention to anything else around me, but his rising voice and angry pacing now commanded my full attention. We exchanged some words, words I cannot recall to this day.

There are really on three other things I remember about that night. The first is none of our neighbors were home, and I was aware of how alone I was as I faced him. The second is that when I rose to turn off the TV he pounced, wrapping his arm around my neck in a headlock – there were two distinct thoughts that filled my head, don’t drop the baby and don’t let him break your neck. I held my daughter with one arm and gripped his forearm with my other, trying to take the strain from neck as he lifted my feet from the floor and shook me like a ragdoll.

I managed to absorb the force of the fall in my shoulder and hip when he threw me away from him, and avoided crushing the baby still in my arms. He never stopped screaming his rage at the television. Blood dripped from my lips onto the pastel baby blanket, causing me to freeze but simultaneously causing my mind to race. I rose to my feet and faced him. I reached out and turned the TV off. I can still remember the coldness in my voice as I said, “If you are going to act like that you need to leave.”

It was the first time that he attacked me in such a manner. The abuse until that moment had been of other kinds. The kinds that he believed would not injure his unborn child, but now, I was fair game to his rage.

It is hard for some to understand why I can honestly say that this moment was a relief, why the tangible violence was so much easier to bear than the mental, emotional, and even the sexual attacks that had gone before. I think we both always knew it was a matter of time, and we were just waiting for him to have the guts to do what he really wanted to do to me. It was the explosion after months of watching a slow burning fuse. Finally, I could breathe again instead of holding my breath in dread.

After years of study and close to two decades of reflection, I now know why I did not call the authorities. That night I believed myself to be completely alone and I was acting on the instinct to survive. There was no room for a misstep and to stumble would cause him to pounce with renewed vengeance. A glimmer of fear would be the only excuse he needed.

In the end, it was my knowledge of the danger that bought him the time he required to plant the seeds of doubt that would keep me there for another two years. For as I waited for the moment when I could escape or make a call, he was there full of contrition and affirmations of his love. The excuses for his anger and why I had to help him overcome this ugly part of who he was. He loved me, he adored me, but most of all, he needed me. Tears poured down his face as he wept at my feet, begging for my forgiveness and promising me that he would never hurt me again. This became our dance – dread and fear, ideal circumstances of isolation, violence, contrition, appeals for grace and affirmations of love, a few days of peace and hope, and then a return to dread.

When I share my story today, someone always asks the question, “Why did you stay?” The answer is not simple, for the threads that bind an abuser to their victim are so thin that they are invisible to the eyes of those not ensnared by them, but their strength is in numbers. I could say that I stayed for the children, and for a time, I believed that was true. I could say I stayed because I loved him, and I also believed that was true. I could say that I stayed because I believed that I could help him get better and we could move beyond the rage that filled his heart and mind, and this, too, I believed was true. But even all of these things do not begin to encompass the reasons I stayed, for as these threads were shredded under the weight of reality, others took their place binding me with equal efficiency.

But perhaps the biggest factor in keeping me there as long as I was, was nothing more than the idea that I should feel good about walking away from my abuser, that there would be a sense of joy and vindication at leaving such an evil situation and person. It was the response that those who loved me wished for me, encouraged me to reach for, and to embrace as my right. So I waited, hoping that I could find a sliver of the right feeling to propel me forward.

It never came.

I cried the day I packed up mine and my children’s meager belongings. I wept as I loaded my friend and brother’s trucks with the odds and ends of furniture while I prayed that my husband would not return. I did not leave a triumphant victor, but slunk away a broken and defeated shell of a woman.

It took me a long time to realize that I was not grieving the loss of my abuser, my emotional captor. It took me a long to stop feel shame for missing him and wanting to find a way back in hopes of repairing our broken marriage. It took a long time to unweave the threads that bound me, and I learned the truth that had been so carefully hidden from me – I was not grieving the loss of the man who left bruises on my ribs or bloodied my lips. I was not aching to return to marriage wrecked with violence. I was not grieving for the reality lost.

I was grieving for the death of a dream, the hope and promise of what should been, of who he claimed to be. I was crying for the person I loved, not the person he was. I was missing the man he had promised to be and had never become. My heart ached for the dream that would never be, and the person that I would never be because I dared to place my faith in lie.

Who can feel joy, or even vindication, at such truth? For even if my head could not understand it in those moments, my heart did. I will forever be the divorcee, the single mom, the abuse victim, and the woman I never intended to be. Picket fences and daisies edging the yard were ripped from my future. Happily ever after was consigned once again to fairy tales, when I had been promised it could be mine.

Grief was and is the proper response.

It was only when the pain of reality became bigger than the fear of losing a dream that was already dead that I could leave. And it was only when I could find the strength to face the truth that the dream had died a long time ago that I could turn loose of the man who killed it.

Why do I share this dark part of my life? Why when I have moved on, found new dreams and new visions for my future that have exceeded anything that I may have clung to before? Because there is a woman out there, right now, who believed the lie I once did. She is working so hard not to make him mad, and she dancing a dance I know all too well, but sister, it is time to realize that dream is dead and it is not coming back. Walking away means you will have to accept that cold hard truth, and you will grieve. Friends and family will not understand why it fills you with sadness, and they won’t get the tears or why you are not happy about reclaiming your life and freedom, but that doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you do.

Healing will come. New dreams will be found, and life will change if you have the courage to walk away. It will not be as you envisioned it before, but it can be greater than you dare hope for now. I promise, because I have lived it and I am here to tell my tale.

Jael - Most Blessed of Women

There are just some stories in the Bible that I wish had been written by women. Men are good at giving us the facts, but let’s face it, if you want all the little juicy details, usually you need a woman to do the telling. The story of Jael, for instance, is one of those tales that would benefit from a few additional details. I mean, who was this woman who took down one of the most brutal generals in Israel’s history? What was she like? Where did she get the guts to do something so audacious and bold? I have read her story countless times, and each time I have been left wanting more.

I don’t think you have to be a Bible scholar to know that Jael seems to leap from the pages of history and demand that we acknowledge her as someone special. After all, how many women in the Bible do we see engaged in battle and subterfuge?  And then we have Jael, whose quick and decisive action is among one of the goriest and most celebrated scenes in the Bible.

We know that she was Kenite and married to Heber. They had separated from the rest of his tribe to settle near Kedesh which is close to Megiddo – if that name sounds familiar, it should as it is the same place identified as the Armageddon, a foreshadowing of the bloody future of this place, perhaps? The Kenites are an interesting people unto themselves, as they were the descendants of Moses’ father-in-law who was recognized as priest and one Moses’ trusted advisors. Some traditions trace their lineage to Cain, due to similarities in the two names Kenite and Cain (the connection is far more obvious in the Hebrew) and the belief that they were skilled metal workers, a trade also connected the children of Cain. (Genesis 4:17-22).

If Heber was a skilled metallurgist then that might explain why there was friendship between King Jabin (Sisera’s boss) and himself. (Judges 4:17). Jabin needed someone to make his weapons of war, and who better than a Kenite smith? And that friendship is probably why Sisera felt that Jael’s tents would be a safe place to hide. (Moral number one of this story, your friends’ wives are not required to like you so never assume they do.)

But this also adds an interesting twist to the story – Sisera was at the very least a social acquaintance with Jael’s husband, possibly the primary source of their income. Jael was familiar enough to walk out and greet him, call him by name, so there had been some previous contact between the two. In a society and culture where we picture women as completely subservient to their men, her actions become even more outrageous when we consider that little fact.

If we read only the Judges 4 account, the situation seems rather cut and dry. Sisera entered the tent, Jael covered him, he asked for water, she gave him milk, covered him again, he fell asleep, and she put a tent peg through his temple. However, some scholars to believe that Sisera not only imposed upon Jael for a place to hide, but that he also raped her.

The basis for this view are the multiple references to Jael covering Sisera in chapter four, a common Biblical metaphor sex as I covered in my post about Ruth, and the emphasis placed on violence in Deborah’s song, verses 26 and 27. Particular attention is paid to verse 27 and the repeated refrain:

“Between her feet he sank, he fell, he lay still; between her feet he sank, he fell; there he where he sank he fell – dead.”

If you read my post on Ruth, you also know that the word feet is a euphemism for genitals, and it is believed by some that the first “between her feet he sank, he fell, he lay still” refers to the rape, and the second and third  time refers to Jael turning the table on this man who abused her. Penetration for penetration, if you will.

Adding to this argument is the fact that Deborah even mocks the lust of the Sisera and his men in verse 30a:

“Have they (Sisera and his men) not divided the spoil? – a womb or two for every man;”

“Womb” being the closest Hebrew word for vagina you will find and the word is placed in the mouth of Sisera’s mother as she waits for her conquering son to return from war.

Do I agree with this view? Let’s just say, I don’t dismiss it as a possibility. Sisera was a man of violence, he went to the tent of a women (why not Heber’s tent?), and raping women was considered part and parcel with warfare. We have every reason to believe that he was capable and willing to commit such a heinous act. What I do not like about this view is the fact that it has been used to discount Jael’s bravery and justify her violence, and therefore denying her example as bold woman to anyone who does not have this strong provocation. However, the truth is we will probably never know exactly what happened in that tent and in the end we are left with nothing but speculation to flesh out the bare skeleton of what was recorded in Scripture.

What we should not lose sight of is what do know with certainty. Jael showed courage and strength. She did not let societal constraints or even her husband’s friendship with Jaben to stop her from putting an end to the enemy of God’s people. She risked her life when she opened her tent and allowed him to enter, a risk posed first by Sisera himself and then by her husband who could denounce her for adultery as she had welcomed another man into her private quarters. She did not shy away from the gore of the task, and she did not do it in half measures.

This earned her an extraordinary honor that was reserved for only one other woman in history. Look at verse 24:

“Most blessed of women be Jael.”

There is only one other place in the Bible where this blessing is given, Luke 1:42, when Elizabeth greets the pregnant Mary. I think there is a reason why God chose to link these two women this way. Each of them accepted a role in history that required great courage and posed significant danger to their lives and reputations. Both delivered a death blow to the enemy of God’s people, and I don’t think he wanted us to forget the sheer grit that honoring him would require of them. I don’t think he wanted us to believe that good women are weak women or even proper women. I think he wanted us to know that our service to him would cost us, place us in positions of danger, and cause us to be the subject of scandal of gossip.

I think he wanted us to know and remember the truth. We are daughters of the High Priest. We are have been chosen because he knew we could handle the gore and violence of this life, and we strong enough handle the rumors about what we may have done or what may have been done to us. He expects to eradicate evil when it enters home, even in the guise of friendship and to not be intimidated when the men of this world have formed evil alliances. He promises to redeem our reputations and honor us for being faithful the call he placed on our lives. He sees who we really are and in knowing that we find the strength to deal the death blows to the enemies who threaten his children, and these are the truths, my sisters, which we should cling to as women of God.

Deborah - A Man's Shame Or An Inspiring Woman

I grew up listening to the story of Deborah, and I was always fascinated by this woman who poses far more questions than the Scripture answers. I wanted to know how she attained her position in a land ruled by men, how did she essentially become the commander of an army, and why, why, why was it always told as cautionary tale to the men and never an inspiring word to the women?

You can find her story in Judges 4 and then a recap in Judges 5 wherein she and Barak sing the song of their victory.  Now if you know anything about the book of Judges you will know that is odd that a woman takes center stage. This is a book of men about the doings of men, more significantly, it is a book of daring heroism, drama, sexploits, and raw adventures. This is not a book about housekeeping or cooking. It isn’t even a book about love, romance, marriage, or any of the other common Biblical themes for women, and yet, here is Deborah, a woman whose life plays out in the middle of the blood and gore without one mention of her domestic skills – possibly, not even a mention her husband.

We find Deborah in a time when God had “surrendered (Israel) to King Jabin of Canaan.” (Judges 4:2). The people of Israel had been battered and abused for over twenty years, and they had enough. They cried out to the Lord for deliverance, and so we are introduced to Deborah.

“Deborah, wife of Lappidoth, was prophetess; she led Israel at that time. She used to sit under the Palm of Deborah, between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites would come to her for decisions.” Judges 4:4, 5

Let’s begin by explaining why I said her story may not include any mention of her husband, when it’s right there in the middle of the verse. Hebrew can be difficult language and there are few phrases in the Bible that still leave scholar scratching their heads, and this is one them. (Now before anyone gets too upset about that little fact, just know that these phrases usually have little or no bearing on communicating the message of the text. They do not affect the integrity of the story or any issue of faith and practice, they just leave us with some interesting “what-ifs” to entertain.) This phrase can have two different meanings one is obviously “wife of Lappidoth” as it is traditionally read.
However, it can also mean “woman of torches or wicks”.  Each translation is equally appropriate for this fiery woman, and furthermore, unlike other women of the Bible her husband is almost inconsequential to the story. If he was of any significance to our understanding of who and what Deborah was to her people his linage would have been included, but it is not because the story is not about him – it is about a woman who deserves recognition in her own right.

You may also notice another glaring omission, there is no record of Deborah’s children. None, nada, zip. Does this mean she does not have children? Who knows? The point it is it does not matter.
Deborah is a complete person unto herself and her God.

Aside from being the only woman judge remembered in the history of Israel, she is one of only two judges that were also a prophet. Based on this we can extrapolate that she experienced a call to prophecy, was a spokesperson for God, prayed to God on the behalf of the people, and her life functioned as symbol of a greater divine truth. None of this is specifically recorded in Scripture, however, these are the basic events and characteristics that set prophets apart from the general populace.

We are also not told how she came to be the leader of the people of this time. Although, it is highly unlikely that she rose to power simply by sitting beneath palm tree dispense sage advice. When we look at the other judges in the book of Judges, we find military leaders, assassins, and priests. We can almost certainly rule out the possibility of her being a priest – so that narrows the options for her rise to power. (I kind of like the idea of her being an assassin, but that’s probably just my twisted imagination talking.) By whatever means she attained this position, it is evident that the writer did not feel like he needed to offer any background to validate the people’s respect for her.

However, he did include clues as to how the reader was to see her. She prophesied Ramah, a place connected to the ministry of Samuel, the last judge of Israel. (I Samuel 7:17). Rabbinic teach explains that Ramah means heights and by placing the two of them in this geographic location, God was also locating them in place of spiritual heights.

Deborah summons Barak, a military leader, to rise up against their oppressors. Barak, either out of weakness of courage or faith, refuses to budge without Deborah by his side. If you were raised in a conservative church, you know that this is the point where the preacher would condemn Barak and see Deborah’s prophecy that Sisera would be killed by the hand of woman to be an act of judgement against his cowardice. But if you haven’t guessed, this is where I applaud Deborah for not flinching at the challenge and joining Barak on the field.

Again notice what is missing in the text – shock, hesitation, fear – Deborah expresses none of these things. She simply says she will go and informs him of the consequences, but even then he does not flinch. He wants her there with him. Why? Is it because she is a prophet and holy woman that is not unheard of in ancient cultures. Or could it be that Deborah’s background and experience, the part of her life that secured her position as a judge, was one of battle? I don’t know, and I am not claiming to. All I am saying is Deborah was woman to be reckoned with and the men of her day recognized that and honored her for it.

Deborah’s word proves to be true, and Sisera is killed by Jael..
After the battle, Barak and Deborah relate the events in song which the Bible specifically says they sang together. What I find to be so interesting is that Barak sang too. This is not the action of a man who feels shame. This is a man who is expressing gratitude and honor for those it is due, starting with God and his intervention in the fight, praising Deborah for rising up and proclaiming the “Mother of Israel”, celebrating the warriors who joined him on the field, and rejoicing over Jael’s bravery. We do not know who sang which verses, but we do know their voice combined to form the song, even if tradition attributes the bulk of it to Deborah.

Of all the songs of Israel, there are ten deemed to be the most significant. The first among them all is Moses’ song upon the deliverance from Egypt found in Exodus 15. The importance of his song is commemorated by the style in which it is written, “brick above tile and tile above brick” (Megillah 3:7), so that it stands apart even in the printed word. There is only one other song given this honor, and it is the Song of Deborah, connecting her to the tradition of Moses as prophet, leader, and deliverer of the people.

We have to stop treating Deborah and the other women of the Bible as bit players to men’s drama. The story isn’t significant because a man missed out on the chance for glory. The story is significant because God chose to use a woman of strength and honor to deliver his people. He used Deborah’s obedience to stop the oppression of his children and I think he wants to do that today, but it is not going to happen unless women stand up take their place, speak truth, and dare to ride out onto the battle fields of the day. And we can’t do it if we are not cooperating with the men that God ordained to be at our sides, discounting their role just makes us guilty of sexism. Deborah’s story shows us the value of working together with those who are different than us whether be men or women of different backgrounds like Jael. In her we find inspiration to dare, to dream, and even to celebrate our victories with no shame and no false humility so that others can see how God can use all to accomplish his purposes.

Hannah - The Story Of A Brazen Woman

The women of the Bible will never cease to fascinate me. Living in a time and culture of total male domination, one would think that only the meek and the docile would be deemed worthy or remembrance, but with few exceptions, we find the women most celebrated to be those whose actions pushed the boundaries of societal constraints and refused to be silent in the face of injustice. One such woman was Hannah of I Samuel chapters one and two.

Too often we read this story at the mercy of our modern conditioning. We fail to see the historical and religious significance of her actions, and as usual present her as a pious soul who meekly turned to God in her hour of need. However, a closer reading of the text coupled with an understanding of the times reveals a bold and daring woman who was not just going to shut up and take what life, or God, had given her.

Her story opens with the introduction of her husband, a man with an impressive family tree, and her inclusion in a family where she was one of two wives. Unlike the second wife, Hannah was barren and like so many women the first wife was catty, constantly rubbing it in Hannah’s face that she was a failure as a woman. Despite this Hannah managed to be her husband’s favorite, meriting special treatment and receiving his feeble (and, oh, so male) attempts at comfort. This is our first tip off that Hannah was something special for in this day a woman’s value was often calculated based on the number of sons she presented to her husband. Love matches were a rarity, and marriage was more of business agreement between families than a romantic venture.

From this stand point it would be easy to say that Hannah was far more blessed than many other women of her time. For not only did her husband keep her as a wife, showing affection and consideration of her situation, he further blessed her with a double portion during the time for sacrifices to made.

To understand the emotional ramifications of what Hannah was experiencing we need to understand that barrenness was not considered a simple medical malfunction. Barrenness was a curse from God, often viewed as a judgement for wrong doing, and as Hannah was the only wife barren the judgement would have been seen as failing on her alone. This would have made her suspect among the other women and possibly held social consequence such as being ostracized and topic of small town gossip. Wrapping our modern minds around what she must have experienced is difficult at best.

The story unfolds as the family celebrates together, eating and drinking, while I can only imagine Hannah watching her husband blessing his children by his other wife and fending off the smug attitude of the other woman vying for her husband’s attention. The pain she must have felt knowing that all those present considered her to be a failure and a shame to their family was probably what pushed her over the edge.

For in verse nine we find that Hannah arose, leaving the festivities behind to go and pray at the Tabernacle.

I want you to really think about this for a moment – a woman, unescorted, goes to the Tabernacle! This is where the men gathered to make plans, to discuss battle strategies, to determine how to govern the people, and to do the bloody work of sacrifice. Women went there, but they went as a family to make the appropriate offerings together with their husbands or fathers. Just making that walk was an exercise in courage.

Or was it something else?

Verse ten literally said she was “marat nefesh” or “bitter of soul” - not the typical attitude we are encouraged to have when seeking an audience with God. But could you blame her? God was the one who opens and closes the womb. He was the cause of her disappointment and pain, and she knew this.

The writer of Samuel records her prayer:
“O LORD of Hosts, if you will look upon the suffering of your maidservant and remember me and not forget the sufferings of your maidservant, and if you will grant your maidservant a male child, I will dedicated him to the LORD for all the days of his life; and no razor shall ever touch his head.”

And with those words, she changed the nature of prayer forever – so much so that we do not even recognize them as radical as this has been the way we have been taught to pray since we were children, but to the fledgling nation of Israel, they are unprecedented.

The first words, the title of LORD of Hosts, had never been uttered until they fall from Hannah’s lips, here was a woman who recognized God’s sovereignty not only in her own life but in all the machinations of the universe.  Her prayer simultaneously exalts God beyond previous words spoken to him while declaring her need and right to be remembered as his handmaiden. The demand and glorification stand at odds with each other, presenting the divine tension between humanity and deity in stark contrast to the humility deemed fitting for a woman. Perhaps it takes one who has experienced such agonies to know that if God is too be great, he must be bigger than any pain we experience, and who knows pain better than one whose hopes and dreams have been ripped to shreds?

The Rabbis call her words insolent even as they laud her example as one who dared to speak their heart to the Creator. So impressive was this bold feat that the prescribed methodology for prayer was modeled not after the patriarchs of the Jewish faith, but upon the heartfelt cries of a woman. Daring to be this impassioned before God was a level of bravery that no man had dared to attempt, the fear and trembling of awe struck wonder had been erased as heartache compelled her to brazenness.

If her story had ended there, she would have been mocked and ridiculed as the drunken woman who dared to defile the sacred environment of the Tabernacle with profanity, but thankfully for us all, it did not. Eli confronts her, scandalized by her hysterics, demanding that she be proper before the Lord and in this holy place. Most women would have been cowed and accepted the harsh rebuke in silence, but not our Hannah!

She fires back him with both barrels, “No, my lord, I am a woman troubled in spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for all along I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation.”

Now, read this as a woman who has been wrongfully accused, not as simpering milksop. Take her prompts for the proper tone and voice for her words. Remember that Hebrew is a very limited language in comparison to ours and know that words often have more than one related definition. She isn’t just saying she was slightly vexed. She deliberately chose a word that also means anger. She wasn’t just dealing with anxiety, once again she chose a word that can mean complain, as in legal complaint. She is letting Eli know that she is beyond just hurt she is MAD and with a just cause. Now plug in all that new knowledge and read her reply again.

Go back and read Eli’s response. Does it sound familiar? It reminds me of my husband when he knows that he had better not argue with me because I am going to go psycho crazy on him for even questioning my right to be upset. It’s the cautious pat on the head before hitting the door to avoid the fallout. It’s the placation in an attempt to defuse the ticking time bomb, but Hannah grabs on to it. You can almost hear her skipping away as she says, “Let your servant find favor in your eyes.”

In Hannah we find far more than an abstraction of piety and humility. We find a woman with a voice, a backbone, and fiery spirit who will not be silenced or dismissed. She rejects cultural norms that would threaten to remove her from the provision of her God, and declares that her identity is ultimately found in him and her relationship to him as his servant. She reveals the true object of her faith as her Lord and Creator, not the men who appeared to have authority over her and recognizes God’s sovereignty to act on her behalf and her right to request it – even when it meant rebuking the spiritual leadership of a nation.

Women should read her story not as rebuke to pray silently and in humility, but rather, that we take our requests boldly to our King. We should not see her as proper, because she wasn’t, and should learn when to disregard propriety for the sake of honesty. From her we should draw inspiration to cast aside societal constraints when they stand between us and our need to have the Father act on our behalf, and most of all, we should be reminded that God remembers us and all the things that have wounded our hearts. He is there, waiting in those holy moments to respond with blessings beyond our imagination if we are brave enough to take even bitter souls before his throne in prayer.

Fishnet and Dress Codes

Once upon a time – you know it is going to be a great story when you read those words – I was part of an organization that had a dress code. The dress code was put in place by people who wanted to insure that all of us involved were decent and modest in our apparel. An admirable goal, but difficult to define.

I have always tried to play by the rules. Not because I always agree with the rules but because I believe that God places people in authority for a reason and we should respect God’s decisions – that and I really don’t like getting in trouble. So one day I thought I was operating in accordance to the rules and wore a long dress and sandals to our gathering. As I sat sipping my coffee, I was corrected.

Of all the scandalous things I could do, I was showing about three inches of bare leg. Horrors!!!

I was politely but firmly, informed that this was immodest and I need to wear hosiery to avoid such impropriety. So of course the next day, I complied. Sorta.

I wore a slightly shorter skirt (it barely covered my knees), tall boots (they almost came to my knees), and the two inch gap (slightly under and over my knees) I covered with the prescribed hosiery. Imagine my shock when once again, I was corrected and admonished not to be so lewd, but a decision had been reached, I had pushed them over the edge and they did not want to turn it into an issue, bare legs were fine.

I don’t know, but it might have been the fishnet that did it.

So why am I telling you this story?

Well, once again, I am having to deal with some issues of modesty and appropriate covering for women. And I find myself asking, what constitutes modest dress for a woman of our time? I know Christian women who feel like the only truly modest attire is one that subverts all hints of our sexuality. Shapeless shirts that cover that provocative collar bone, skirts that conceal that alluring ankle, and good sturdy shoes built for comfort, lest we indulge in the vanity of heels.

I know some Christian women who are so unaware of their bodies that their dress is completely immodest, not out of a desire to arouse but simply because they fail to recognize they are being immodest. Many of us were taught that any attempt at dressing ourselves in an attractive manner is immoral and un-Biblical. Some of us were even threatened with the idea that to dress in a way that betrayed our sex was inviting rape. A few of us were told it was our moral duty to hide our femininity to preserve the morals of the men in our lives, that we are responsible for their purity. I even know a few Christian women who do not believe for one second that they have any obligation to be modest, and dress however they please.

As usual, I can’t just fall neatly into one camp. I have to agree with them all, in part, and then I have to figure out how to live (and dress) in accordance to what I believe is right. And as you may have gathered from my story, that means I have to curb a teensy little rebellious streak that runs through me.

As women we have been a great and wonderful gift, our bodies. Think about it for a minute. Too often we tend to focus on the hormone swings, periods, and the agony of childbirth, but really, how awesome to know that our bodies were designed to give and sustain life. And how great is that all our plumbing is indoors? (Okay, except when you’re camping.)

There is something amazingly freeing when we recognize the value of that gift. What’s more we should conduct ourselves in such a way that others recognize its value, and I don’t think that we do that when we dress like we are ashamed of our bodies. We aren’t asexual. We are women. Designed with care and intent, God didn’t make a mistake and its time we stop acting like it.
Does this mean that we go around displaying our wares? Of course not! That also shows a lack of value for this gift, and there is a huge difference between dressing in an attractive manner and dressing like a . . .well, you know. (And if you don’t ask a good friend, or your kids, they will tell you.)

Look, we don’t put Tiffany crystal in a Wal-Mart bag and we don't set our treasures out on the street corner. It’s all in the balance, somewhere between vanity and denial. It is time that Christian women be beautiful women and we stop believing that our bodies are the source of all evil. It was woman who ate the fruit, but it was a woman who first proclaimed the coming the Messiah and woman who gave birth to our Lord. Those are some pretty great things to be proud of for our sex.

It is time that each time we dress, we dress in a celebration of who we are, who we are created to be. If we dress with remembrance that God decided that we were to be beautiful and our beauty is to serve a purpose we have a pretty good guide as to what to wear.

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