Where Does It Say That? - I Answer A Reader's Question About Sex

This is an excerpt from a recent message I received. I am answering it publicly, but I am NOT naming who asked the question. I have chosen to do so because I think that it is a question that more than one person has, and I would like to share why I hold the belief I do about abstinence. The opening quote was taken from a comment I made in response to a question presented to me in my comments.

"'The Bible says sex is reserved for marriage' -- Where, precisely, does it say that? The Christian community has said that for many, many years. I have yet to find any verse in the Bible, read IN CONTEXT of the society in which the writers lived, which says anything of the sort."

I struggled with this question for several years as divorced woman. I was even told by certain people in positions of authority that I had every right to indulge my sexual appetites since I was “no longer a virgin”. However, I did what I think every Christian should do, and I did not accept any man’s word without confirming or disproving it within the pages of Scripture.

For me the answer is most clearly spelled out in 1 Corinthians 7:1-8. In verses one and two Paul says, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” Paul makes it clear that way to combat the temptation to sexual immorality is through marriage, but that begs the question what is sexual immorality?

The question is answered in two different passages. The first is Acts 15:28-29 which is the summation of the Jerusalem Council that delineates the obligations of the Gentile Christian from the Jewish born Christian. Keep in mind that this was a group of Jewish men, at least one of which was trained in Jewish law by a leading Rabbi, whose references would have reflected their Jewish training and understanding of these terms. The second passage is 2 Timothy 3:16,17, where Paul says that “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that every man of God may be competent and equipped for every good work.”

Please note that the New Testament as we know it was not yet considered to be Scripture – so Paul could not be referring to any of the books authored after the life of Jesus. He was referring to the Hebrew Scriptures (Old Testament), the books of reference for the Jerusalem Council. Since everyone was referring back to the Hebrew for their definitions that is where we must go to find out what sexual immorality means. Now I do not wish to bore you, so I am not going to type out all the sexual laws contained within the Torah (Genesis-Deuteronomy). Instead, I am just going to give you a few references that you can look up if you are interested: Deuteronomy 22:13-30 which demonstrates the importance of a woman’s virginity before marriage and fidelity after, Genesis 38 which demonstrates that even a widow was expected to abstain until remarried, and Leviticus 18 which clearly states that the attitudes of believers towards sex should not be in keeping with the cultural norms of other cultures or prevalent societal views.

Finally allow me to add, while I do believe that these passages provide us with the standards that we should strive to maintain the Bible was not written by a God who was unaware or unfeeling towards our struggles. He knows that we all fall short, we screw it up (sometimes literally), but He extends the gifts of mercy and grace. He never called us to perfection apart from Him, and He never denies a second chance for those seeking to move deeper in relationship with Him. The quest to tame my sex drive was a driving force in teaching me how to rely on Him and in deepening my relationship with Him. In the end, I value the fight for what it taught me, and I do not regret anything momentary pleasure I may have missed in seeking His ways before my own.

When I Am Just Not Feeling It

There are few things harder than acting like a Christian when you don’t feel very Christian. Now, I am not for sure exactly what a real Christian is supposed to feel like, but I always imagined it was somewhere between cotton candy and bunny fur. And truthfully, I feel more like a porcupine and electric fence sometimes.

I think many people would be surprised at how seldom I feel Christian. Usually I am so busy trying to act Christian that feeling anything other than frustration would be miraculous. I know there must be someone out there who manages to feel Christian. I mean I have always assumed that those people at church who always greet you with a big smile and a “God bless you” must feel Christian, at least on Sunday mornings.

I just don’t know how this feeling of being occurs. I have tried, but so far nothing has really worked. I don’t know if just didn’t get the secret decoder ring, I missed that particular sermon, or no one hit me with the right amount of fairy dust. I have been prayed over, anointed, and once pastor tried to shove me to the floor – but I was between him and the doughnuts. I mean if someone were to ask me how I felt right now, I would have to say I am vaguely grumpy and rather gloomy. Definitely not feeling Christian.

We all know that true Christians, or at least mature Christians, don’t have bad days. They smile all the time. They know the answer to the world’s problems and they would rather be caught without their underwear than without the right Bible verse for the occasion. They have sparkling smiles, well mannered children, perfectly groomed spouses, and they breathe in peace and exhale joy. They look forward to their turn in the church nursery, and they can whip out a casserole for the church potluck faster than I can sneeze. And I know that they act this way because they can feel just how Christian they are. They charming, gracious, and we all try not to hate them. Or maybe that’s just me, because the more I am around these people the less Christian I feel.

You see, I have bad days and a messy house. My car is never clean and my kids fight. I have a hard time remembering my phone number, let alone chapter and verse for anything. I can’t cook and when my car breaks down I don’t respond with a “thank you, Jesus.” I can be mean, jealous, and petty. I love a good fight and will sometimes start an argument just to have one. Sometimes I enjoy scowling at the world and I am a bit of a snob. I have kicked my dog and yelled at God when things haven’t gone my way. I don’t always feel Christian, so I don’t always act Christian.

The good news is that being a Christian isn’t based on my feelings. It is even based on my performance. It is something that goes beyond what I get right and what I do wrong. Being a Christian is not found in someone else’s perception of who and what I should be, or what they think I should be doing. Being a Christian is the result of a relationship, one that affects how I behave and changes who I am, but I don’t always feel it like I think I should feel it.

Sure I want to do better, but not because it makes me any more or less Christian. I want to be better because I want to the world to see the how knowing God has changed me. I want to please him in my deeds and words, even my emotions, but I have to wonder if we have gotten confused about the process of being conformed to the image of Christ. If somewhere along the way we began to think that being holy meant that we denied our emotions and suppressed our quirks so that we could become conformed to our ideas about what a Christian should feel like.

You see, being a Christian doesn’t mean that my miraculous transformation short circuited my mind or desires. My transformation began when I understood that my mind and desires don’t always agree with where God would have me, and confronting me where I am, as who I am. It is me being honest enough to say I have a bad days and I don’t feel like loving my enemies or even my friends all the time. It is me being willing to go to him when I am grumpy and asking for help, wrestling through the gloom with him, and not hiding from him until I feel right. Because the truth is on my own I will never get it right, I will never be good enough to feel as Christian as I think a good Christian should feel all the time.

I might be able to fake it on Sunday mornings. I might even hold it together for a Sunday night service, but by Wednesday afternoon, forget it. I am right back into the mess of me. Beaten up, cast down, and overwhelmed by all the things I do that don’t measure up to whom I think a Christian should be, and all my feelings say I will never make it, that I should just give up.

So if you are like me. If you ever have a bad day and wonder why you even try when you know all you are going to do is fail, take heart. You are not alone. We all have those days, and we all feel like we are failing sometimes. The question is what you do with those feelings? Do you let them dictate who you are? Or can you let your heart find hope and strength in who God says you are? Because he loves us, even on grumpy days, sad days, and even on days we totally mess up.

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Am I My Brother's Keeper? Or Who Are You To Judge?

In a world full of bubble eyed figurines, pastel paintings of idyllic fields of sheep, and soft smiling faces of Jesus, we have determined that our faith is as gentle as dewdrops and as sweet as cotton candy. Harshness should be rejected, judgement spurned, and truth speakers cast aside as blasphemers and heretics for neglecting that all important element of love that must never be manifest in words the world deems as judgmental or sanctimonious.

Critics of such actions are quick to pull out those verses that back their position, giving them the full weight of authority. “Judge not lest you be judged,” Matthew 7:1. “God is love,” 1 John 4:8 “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone,” John 8:7. And my all-time favorite, John 5:22, “The Father judges no one.” Now, if we stopped to actually read those passages in their full context we would quickly realize that the message has been sharply edited until only the pretty bits remain, and we do this because that is the way we like it. By abdicating any position of authority in another’s life, we can wash our hands of any responsibility we might bear in their actions. It’s a pretty sweet deal, and we aren’t the first ones to who tried to pass this ideology off with God.

The tradition began long ago, just outside the gates of Eden, when God asked Cain about his brother Able.  Cain never misses a beat, he flings back, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

We carry on the legacy of Cain in the phrases, “What they do with their own life does not affect me”, “It is not my business what anyone else does behind closed doors”, “It’s between them and God, none of my affair”, “I don’t have the right to judge anyone and neither do you”, and “What concern of it of yours how they live their lives?” Ok, sure we probably never killed someone and tried to cover it up – or have we? Oh, I don’t mean physically, but I think we can make a strong case for attempted spiritual homicide if we are brave enough to look at all those passages that rarely get quoted as we try to make God a little more palatable for those of us who can’t stand the bitter with the sweet.

We start with Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:15 through 20. (I will not be quoting the full passages here for the sake of brevity, but as always, grab your Bible and double check me!). In this passage, Jesus says, “And if he refuses to listen even to the Church, let him be to you as a Gentile or tax collector.” You know, those folks that good God-fearing people of his day shunned? Why in the world would Jesus advocate such a thing? I mean, that’s a little harsh, Jesus, don’t you think?

The truth is – it is harsh, but it harsh with a purpose. Paul gives us an example of why such brutality is necessary in our communities of faith in 1 Timothy 1:18-20 wherein he describes two people who he says he has “handed over to Satan so that they would learn not to blaspheme.” Or in 1 Corinthians where he says to “deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit might be saved on the day of the Lord.” It would be easy to close our eyes and hearts to such terrifying words, but if we are to honor the entirety of Scripture as God inspired, we must submit ourselves to these verses in unity with those of love. It is the tension that of love and discipline, mercy and accountability that makes our faith ring true.

It is not a question of either/or. It is a statement of both/and. It is learning to how to balance the demands of each teaching against the needs of individual situations. For instance, Paul writes:

I wrote you a letter not to associate with sexually immoral people – not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy or the swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of this world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler – not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”
1 Corinthians 5:9-12

Both love and judgement is the right answer, depending on who you are dealing with those inside the church or those outside. Either one can also be wrong, again depending on who you are dealing with, but too often we get the prescription backwards – judging the world while failing to hold those who share our faith accountable.

Neither should we forget that judgement of our brothers and sisters is not eternal banishment. It is not something that we dole out and then celebrate because we took a stand against evil. Instead, it is something that should grieve our hearts and with the hope and anticipation of them being restored for to the body, as Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 2:5-11. Forgiveness and grace should be extended to all who repent and desire to return to fellowship.

In other words, we are our brothers’ keepers. We have an obligation to give and receive rebuke for those acts that the Bible teaches are not in keeping with our faith. Discipline was designed not to hurt but to heal, to break off pride, false entitlement, and faulty justifications for our actions. It was designed to help Christians to keep acting like Christians and not like those who have not experienced the life changing love of our Lord. It was empower us to stand against the temptations we might feel to slip into our old ways, and keep our witness pure.

We cannot uphold merely the easy passages as valid and authoritative while neglecting the passages we do not like. And if the command to love is valid, then we have to accept the command to correct as valid also, or leave our Bible open to the abuses of those who would use it for personal gain.

When we claim that another believer’s action are none of our concern are justifying our own laziness and cowardice. It is to allow the world’s ideas of tolerance to supersede and reign supreme over the dictates of our faith. It is to model our actions by Cain’s example, not that of our Lord and Saviour. It is to sacrifice purity for reputation and holiness for worldly prestige. Holding others accountable for their faithfulness to the dictates of the Scripture will not win anyone any popularity contests, but perhaps you shouldn’t claim to be a Christian if that is the true desire of your heart.

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Regurgitating Facts But Failing The Test

You can only teach yourself. You can only learn the technique of learning. –Clint Eastwood

The memorization and regurgitation of facts has become our working definition of learning. As children we are placed in class rooms where our teacher writes a series of words or numbers upon a board, we copy them, and then we recite them when called upon. Seldom do the words connect with our real lives or have any bearing upon our reality. As children we know this. We question when will we ever need to know the value of pi, the dates of the French Revolution, or even the chemical composition of chewing gum (bubble gum is a whole other matter). The good adults in our lives assure us that we will need this information one day and we should be good students and learn what the teacher says.

As adults we then become the ones who perpetuate the myth when our children are the ones asking the question. We tell them that they will one day need to know this information, and we secretly wonder when exactly did we ever need to know what we were taught in school. Of course if we are good parents we never voice this thought out loud, because we don’t want our children to grow up to be idiots.

The thing is even in the midst of what may now seem to have been pointless exercises in obscure facts, we did learn something. We learned our idea of education, of what it means to be taught. We know that if someone is teaching us something they are to communicate certain facts on the topic which we in turn should be able to recite if called upon. We learned that education often has little to do with our real lives, that educators do not teach life lessons as much as they teach us abstractions and principles that we have a hard time integrating in our day to day activities.

Unfortunately, somewhere we adopted this model into our Biblical teaching as well. We turned Bible study into Bible trivia, and Church stopped being a place where went to experience God with other believers and became a place where we learned about God. We studied God, Jesus, and the Bible like we are going to have a test next Friday, so bring your notes. We got points for attendance, memorizing the right verses, and being able to give the proper answer when called upon.

The problem is we forgot that life is the test. You can’t cram for this one, and like it or not being able to quote the proper verse doesn’t get you a one hundred. Somewhere along the way Christianity stopped being relational and became something that happens after opening prayer but before the fried chicken. Being a good Christian became more about how many Sunday mornings you actually made it to a building and less about loving your neighbor. We turned it into an exercise and not a walk.

Maybe this is why we have a hard time with the transition from the class room of the church to real life. We don’t know how to make our faith a part of our life. Maybe when we started referring to the church as a place with class rooms and teachers, instead of as a body of believers and a family that we lost sight of the fact it is about more than knowing the right answer. Maybe when God became a school teacher and not a father, we forgot that he loves us and doesn’t just give us a grade.

Maybe this why so many people have become disillusioned with Christianity. We have presented it like a list of facts to memorize, and life is a problem to be solved. Maybe when we started teaching Christianity as an abstraction and principles instead of as a way of life, we forgot how to make the shift from information to understanding. Maybe when we stopped teaching people the technique of learning and told them the answers we bypassed an important step in our faith. We skipped the beauty and joy discovery through experience and learning.

We don’t grade relationships by the number of facts we know about another person. We don’t rank friendships by another’s ability to rattle off random thing we may have said. We don’t keep score with people we really love by totaling up their right answers to our questions. We gauge the depth by how well they understand us, by how much they affect our lives and vice versa. Everything else is a byproduct of the time we spend experiencing their presence. And we should all know that knowing about a person is not the same as knowing them.

It is in the experience that we learn to know someone, that we learn how to learn how to relate to them. We discover how to ask a question, how to read their expression, or hear what they are saying beyond the words.

So study, read your Bible, gather with other believers, but do it so that you can experience the one who made you. Do it so that you can learn about this God who loves you more than you can imagine, but remember he isn’t an algebra problem. We don’t get to solve him, figure him out, or define him. That is not our job, our privilege is to know and experience him in this life, in this reality. The disciplines teach us how to draw near to God, being there teaches us how to learn from him.

Bruce Jenner - How Do We Respond?

Very few things make me sad. Like most of us, I don’t like how uncomfortable that feeling makes me. I have found that it is much easier to entertain anger and righteous outrage rather than feel brokenness for another’s plight. Feeling anger helps me keep my distance from the uglier realities of this world, and if I am honest, allows me to think that I am somehow above the choices and actions of others. Being smug is so much more satisfying to my ego than empathy, and too often I let it be my reflex rather than offering the grace of a response.

This morning I read several of the articles concerning Bruce Jenner’s transition from male to female, and I read the reports that praised him for his courage and honesty. I read accounts of celebrations over new found freedoms and a society that has evolved to place where he did not have to hide or stay trapped in a body he could not love, and I felt something I did not like. I felt sad.
I wanted to feel the anger and outrage that many of my Christian brothers and sisters are sure to spew over the internet in the following weeks. Those emotions are so much easier, but I have to ask myself, is that truly an appropriate response?

The answer was in an unlikely source – in those celebratory articles.

They all said pretty much the same thing. They talked about how brave Bruce is for making this change, how impossible it is to fight who you really are and how we liberating it is to live your personal truth. There is a part of me that wants all of these statements of be utterly false, but when I stop to consider them in the light of Scripture, I have to affirm that they are true.

Now, before you completely tune me out, follow me on this, and grab your Bible to double check what I am saying.

WE CANNOT FIGHT WHO WE REALLY ARE - at least, not alone.

This is the heart of the gospel. I will never be good enough, strong enough, or wise enough to do this by myself. Bruce isn’t. You aren’t. No one is or ever was apart from Jesus and through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. Paul wrote these words to the Galatians:

     But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the      flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed      to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. (5:16,17 ESV)

When we forget that we must walk by the Spirit to have control over our fleshly desires, we begin to demand that people do the impossible. We start placing unrealistic expectations on them and all they can hear is our condemnation over their failure to meet a standard that can only be met through a relationship with our Lord and Savior. Even then, it is still a process that one must walk through, practicing self-control and waiting for the appearance of glory.

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Saviour Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealots for good works. (Titus 2:11-14 ESV)

Many commended Bruce for his bravery to face who he truly is, and once again, I have to agree. There is bravery in looking at who really are, in finding those areas of our lives where the outside doesn’t match the inside, and finding ways to bring those two parts of us into alignment. Too many of us who profess to be Christians are neglecting this practice are living lives blissfully unaware (or simply in denial) of who truly are on the inside. Typically, we cover this up by shouting a little louder at the person whose actions we do not approve.

However, recognizing our own sin is the first step towards a relationship with our Lord and required for maintaining that relationship that empowers us to live according to the dictates of our faith.  The process is summed up in that scary little word, repentance, which demands humility and sorrow for our sins. King David’s Psalm 51, composed after his affair with Bathsheba, is a beautiful example of confronting one’s own sin so that relationship with God might be restored.

Which leads us to the final statement about Bruce, and we must ask, is it liberating to live one’s personal truth? The answer is yes, even the Bible acknowledges this: Job 20:5, 21:11-13; Isaiah 47:8-11; Luke 12:19-20, and there are many more. However, if you read those passages you find that the pleasure is fleeting and there is judgement if we give into the temptation, but there is glory if we resist, Hebrews 11:23-28.

That is what makes all these statements so easy to believe, to buy into. There is an element of truth in them all. Changing who we are requires help, even Bruce proves this point as his transition could not be attained merely through wishful thinking. He required the assistance of a physician, but as believers we are commanded to seek the Great Physician, who changes our hearts not merely our bodies.

Staring at your own internal mess is brave. Recognizing where we are broken takes humility and strength, often a strength born of desperateness, but to whom are we taking our brokenness? One who desires to heal or a world who celebrates our brokenness and uses it to affirm their own? God has never been content to leave us in the condition he found us. All of Scripture proclaims that his greatest desire to take those broken pieces and create something new from them, if we are brave enough to take that next step.

Sin is easier and far more fun than process of purification, but only if we do not look into the future and see the effects of it upon our lives and the lives of the ones we claim to love. Ask the addict, the adultery, the thief, and the murderer all will tell you the same thing. It was fun, felt right in the moment, there was a rush and a high unlike any other, and it was not until I had to face the consequences that I realized the cost.

So what do we do when confronted with a story like Bruce Jenner’s?

We love. We love with a God inspired commitment to seeing the best in people. We love with a love that is brave enough to be broken over another’s pain and misery. We love with a love strong enough to speak truth with compassion. We love with a love that has courage enough not to hide behind anger or outrage. We love with a love that inspires others to seek its source, as we seek our Lord to find the balance between truth and judgement, never betraying his grace and mercy by trying to withhold it from another.

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When God Does The Dishes

Waiting makes me sick, not in some abstract way, but in a very real gut wrenching, stomach twisting way. I am not talking about waiting in line or waiting on traffic. I am talking about waiting to see how things are going to turn out, how things are going to be accomplished. I want all the facts in my hand, and I want to arrive at a brilliant conclusion.

It’s the limbo that drives me crazy. It is what keeps me awake at nights and causes me to say and do stupid things. I have this thing in my brain that says if you talk about a problem long enough it will all work out. The thing is sometimes I just need to shut up and see how things are going to turn out. But like I said, I hate waiting. Talking seems to offer me at least the illusion of being proactive in the situation, (that should be read as “in control of the situation”, the other way just sounds better), when all I am really doing is muddying the waters.

Now God is faithful, and He has a way of taking our flaws and working them over. Usually this means He is going to provide us with lots of opportunities to get it right, which really means He is also going to give us lots of opportunities to fail. And I tend to make the most of these chances, which means I usually fail in creative and new ways.

I am having to learn that God’s time is not my time. I keep telling Him if He would speed things up a bit I could get so much more done, but He has yet to take my advice, go figure. I know that is Sunday School lesson 101, but there is a huge difference in remembering and knowing. I know that He has it all under control and He will take care of me, but I hate the fact that His perfect way of doing things means I am left twisting in the wind a little too often to suit my tastes.

Honestly, it is probably a good thing that I was not one of the people walking around the walls of Jericho. I don’t think I could have kept my mouth shut for seven days. About the third time around, I would have been looking for a pick axe because I would have been sure that Joshua misheard the directions and we needed to be busy doing something more productive than waiting on God. By the fourth time around, I would have probably trying to get Joshua to stop and explain all that nonsense to me one more time. And the fifth time, I would at least be sure that I was scuffing away little more sand from the base of wall with each step, if I hadn’t decided to wash my hands of the whole thing.

Fortunately for me, God hasn’t called me to undergo such a grueling ordeal. Right now we are working on the small stuff. I let Him dry my dishes. He takes forever, but eventually He gets the job done. And let me tell you it is torture. No matter how much I nag Him, He never picks up the pace, but I am getting better.

Learning to wait isn’t about trying to slip into some comatose state of being. It is about finding out how deep your trust really goes. It is about learning how to separate the things you are responsible for from the things that you aren’t. It is about finding that balance between sheer laziness and knowing peace in the midst of the unknown. It is about acknowledging He is God and you aren’t.

For me it is the ultimate position of surrender. It is not restful or serene. It is an act of sheer will most of the time. Not because I don’t think God can handle it, but rather I think I can handle it better. I don’t like turning loose of control, real or perceived. I like to think that my actions are what affect change, that somehow God can’t get it done without me. It is a time where I have to put down my pride and my own sense of accomplishment. At these times I have to lay aside all the attributes that my friends usually praise me for so that He can receive the glory.

I have to step out of the spot light for a moment and stand in awe of Him. I need to experience the wonder of what He can do apart from me, and if the Grand Canyon is any indication He’s got it covered in ways that I can only begin to imagine, even if He did do it one excruciating drop of water at a time. And if I need to talk about it that’s okay too, as long as I take my conversation to Him. He understands I am impatient, and sometimes I think He even finds the quality a little endearing, but He knows that I need to learn how to simply be with Him. Because that is right where He wants me, there at His side witnessing what He wants to accomplish in my life.

Christian Phrases I Hate or I'm Not A Tool

Now I know that none of you have ever heard another Christian say something that just sets your teeth on edge, but I have. Maybe I am being a bit too persnickety, but there are a couple of phrases that are floating around in our Christian vernacular that drive me up one wall and down the other. And every time I hear them I have to weigh whether or not to address the situation. I am sure that you have heard them, may have even said them. I know I have.

But sometimes it is a good idea to sit back and really think about the words that come out of our mouths, even those words used by “good church folk.” Honestly, I don’t believe that most of us mean them the way I hear them, but I have heard them one too many times today, so I have to speak up.

One saying that is troubling me is, “and God used me.” There are lots of variations to this one, “I was used of God,” “God will use you,” and my all time favorite is the plea that God will use one in His service. Why, you ask, does this bother me so? Allow me to explain.

It irritates and offends me on two levels. The first one is, since when is it alright or commendable to use a friend or loved one? And if any one of our friends ever intentionally used us, would we really be okay with it? Would we brag to our other friends that we were used? Would we declare it among large groups of people? Wouldn't all sense of trust fly right out the window?

I don’t know about you, but the last friend who “used” me isn’t a friend anymore. There is the implication that we are only as important to God as we are useful to Him. So when you cease to be useful, you cease to be valuable. People are not tools that are used to accomplish a task and then put aside. In healthy relationships, we rely on each other, help each other, and even sacrifice for each other, but when we start using each other the relationship ceases to be healthy. As a matter of fact we have a term for relationships where one party allows another to use them, it’s called being co-dependent. And I have a really hard time seeing God feeding our unhealthy practices.

On the second level is the feint fragrance of arrogance. It is the man standing at the street corner declaring his humility. There is the taint of self importance in the idea that God somehow needed us to do whatever He needed to be done. I hate to break to you, but God is capable of doing whatever He pleases, whenever He pleases, to and with whomever He chooses. Any part we may play in the things He is doing is negligible at best and completely superfluous most of the time.

To me that  is the beautiful part of being allowed to participate in His activities. The fact that He doesn’t need us makes the fact that we got the invitation that much more wonderful. If we could wrap our heads around the idea that He desires to spend time with Him, not because we are so gosh-darn indispensable, but rather that He loves us we might have a little better perspective of our place in this world.

Maybe I am taking things a bit too far here, but I believe that our thoughts determine our language and our language helps shape our thoughts. And maybe, just maybe, the fact that we have run around all these years somehow thinking that God needs to use us has made us forget how powerful He really is.

One thing that makes me think this is another overused Christian phrase, “I am defending God, my faith, etc.” Really? How might we be accomplishing such a feat? By picking fights with others, by getting caught up in useless arguments and debates? If I remember correctly, Paul had something to say about that, and I believe it was something along the lines of  DON'T! And I also seem to remember Jesus saying something about presenting the message and walking away if it was not received.

You see, my God rained fire and brimstone down on a place that wasn’t living up to His standards. He did not outfit an army with flame throwers, He did not send in a squad with napalm. He didn’t even send someone to shout warnings on the street corners. He handled it, alone. And when Abraham tried to interfere, God listened but carried out His plans anyway.

I believe that God doesn’t need to use us to defend Himself. I think He can handle just about anything us humans can throw at Him, and maybe if we stopped trying to take credit for stuff that really is none of our concern we could focus on what is important, things like loving our neighbor, showing compassion to the hurting, and walking in deeper relationship with Him. I have to believe that the world could be changed if we stopped worrying about being used and simply lived a life that was joyfully transformed by being in His presence. I have to hope that if we loved our enemies, instead of trying to protect God from them, they could witness His grace and mercy, and find a desire to know this God who loves us so.