The past year has been crazy hard - type of thing poorly produced TV inspirational films are made of hard, but only if they have too many subplots to be coherent. First there was the big stuff, like the months of chemo that preceded my father’s death to an obscure type of cancer. Then I got to spend some time in the hospital for reasons yet to be fully explained. My suspicion is stress, but I am not medical professional. I am just the girl who came back from a chemo treatment to find my house flooded by a broken washing machine, a furnace that was out of propane, and family in crises. Did I mention that my husband was hours away working to support us while dealing with various automotive break downs, lay offs, and the seemingly endless need to move cross country to the next job?
I was holding it all together pretty well, really I was. I was ready to pick up and go at a moment’s notice. I was able to make the many doctors’ appointments, get the kids were they needed to go, nobody starved, everyone was clothed, and the lack of sleep was no big deal, really.
After the funeral, I took up a somewhat regular residence in my house. A first in over ten months of simply sleeping there while an untouched refrigerator grew some pretty amazing mold that has to be the cure for something. Unfortunately, some of it is pretty terrifying too, so I still haven’t worked up the nerve to touch it. I am thinking I should just cart the whole thing out and start fresh with a new one because there maybe no decontaminating that one, but I digress -
Of course, I once again failed to notice that we were running low on propane so we were without heat, again. The fix was supposed to be simple. I called and they delivered. How much easier could it be?
This should have been my tip off - because nothing in my life is simple. It is a law that has been woven into the fabric of the universe. I, above all people, should have known this, planned on this, and taken all necessary precautions to minimize the risk, but I let my guard down and hoped - no, believed for a moment it really was this simple.
The delivery guy arrived with his massive truck full of liquid warmth, pumped it into the giant silver tank in my front yard, and does the requisite check of appliances. This, of course, means he has to see at least one burning. Now if my stove had been working…..another story all together, sorta, we could have used that one, but it wasn’t.
So he tries to light the furnace. Please note the use of the term “tries”. The automatic spark thing-a-ma-bob wore out long ago making lighting the stupid thing a bit of an ordeal. He turned the propane on, struck the lighter, and nothing. He tries to purge the system, nothing. He suggests purging it once more just to make sure all the air is out of the lines. He lays the lighter aside, picks up his wrench and as he stands up -
AND THEN HE SETS HIMSELF ON FIRE! HE IS ENGULFED IN A SWIRL OF FLAMES!!! RIGHT THERE IN MY KITCHEN!!!
Now, I am not an overly reactive person. Not to much, anyways. I stood there watching him slap at his hair and eyebrows which were burning off before my eyes. He runs from the house, and my daughter is on his heels. Me on the other hand - well, I just stand there watching the fire pour out of the wall and realize I will never be able to save all my books.
By this time the smoke is getting thick so I stroll over to the couch and grab my purse as the thumb drive back ups for my books were inside.
Outside, the human torch has been extinguished with only the loss of some hair. Sad, but not tragic, like it could have been. The poor guy is in shock, and I realize he has no intention of going back into my house there is STILL BURNING.
I ask him if he has an extinguisher. (I have one in my closet but I’m pretty sure it is more of bad decoration than a functional item). This seems to snap him out of his daze, “Is it still burning?” he asks aghast.
I have give him one those “well, uh, duh” smiles mothers reserve for their slow children. To his credit he rushed right back in and put out the flames.
It was about two days later I started working on a real psychotic break with reality. The happy land in my head is just so much more appealing. (Un)fortunately, I am surrounded by a group of people who are pretty good at snapping me back to this realm, whether I want them to or not.
Since it’s become bloody obvious that no one is going to let me take up residence in a padded room with my purple crayon to chew on - I thought running away to stay with the hubby would be just the break I needed. Reality had other plans, because the air conditioner decided it was just too hot for it to work. Did you know that camper trailers morph into toaster ovens when not prevented from doing so by a working air conditioner? Neither did I, but they can roast the flesh from your bones. And my purple crayon? Nothing more than a pool of purple wax now.
Look, things go wrong. Usually, lots of things at once in varying magnitude, and my job, your job, is to get through them the best you can. We cope the best we can and sometimes even that doesn’t work. Life is hard and anyone who tells you different is selling you something - to paraphrase one of the greater truths expressed in film. (Thank you, Princess Bride).
Right now, sitting here in this crazy place and time I have two choices.
1. I can choose to believe that this is some sort of cosmic punishment. Not for any wrong doing of my own that I can identify, more likely, it would be just for me being me - which I have been told is an affront to the established order of nature. However, that would also mean that God made a mistake, and I have a hard time buying that.
2. I can choose to believe that I am doing something incredibly right, and THAT is the affront to the established order of nature. In this fallen world, the ability to speak truth and the willingness to bear witness to the goodness of our Lord and Redeemer is offensive. Flying directly in the face of those would wish to silence us to his mercy and goodness.
So is there chaos, frustration, even pain in my life right now? I would be a liar if I said no, but it isn’t insurmountable and it isn’t the end of my story. So stayed to tune - who knows what grand adventure I will get to on next week. It may simply be a search for a new purple crayon or visiting with foreign dignitaries, such are the days of my life.
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