He said he looked at porn, but only until we got married. It helped him, he said. He didn’t need to sleep around if he could use it and it was a better alternative to having sex with a slutty girls. I believed him, was grateful even that he was being smart.
He said he looked at porn, but it was for us. He wanted our sex life to be better and we all know how boring married sex can be. He told me it was better than cheating and he didn’t feel so tempted this way. I didn’t like it, but if it kept him from cheating I was relieved.
He said he looked at porn because I wasn’t enough for him, that I would never “screw like other girls” because I didn’t have enough experience. He said I was too skinny, and then I was too fat. I was too demanding and not aggressive enough. He told me I was the reason he needed it and if I was someone else he would give it up. I was hurt and I vowed to be better.
He said he looked at porn because I was changing. I wasn’t the woman he married and fell in love with, that I had stopped being so sweet and innocent, that I had failed to be who I said I was when were dating. I was devastated. I had tried to be who he wanted me to be, do what he wanted me to do, and I had failed. I had lost myself to his demands and still I was not enough.
He says he looks at porn, because I’m not there anymore. I woke up and realized that all the lines he had fed me were excuses to cover his addiction. I was good enough, sexy enough, and exciting enough, but he couldn’t see it through the ever changing kaleidoscope of women that he paraded past his eyes. Now that I am gone he knows that I would probably still be there if he had not looked at porn.
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